What do you call a bedtime smoothie?

Pajamba Juice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roycifer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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I made a smoothie out of F5 keys

It was really refreshing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
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So this actually happened to a friend of mine who works at a smoothie bar

A man came in who was "literally the most dad-looking man" my friend had ever seen. He asked for a smoothie, and when my friend asked what kind of protein he wanted, he responded, "I would like whey protein. I like to take my smoothies all the whey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwatchmanx
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2015
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Got my roommates earlier, when one complained of his smoothie.

He had it in the freezer overnight and complained it was frozen solid (durr), to which I replied, "guess it's a hardie now".
Groans followed by high fives ensued.
Can't wait to be a dad and use these Dad Jokes all the time...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howzie09
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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My dad's response to my moms offer of a smoothie.

"You didn't make me a roughy?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayHiToYourMomma
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2014
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Turns out the atmosphere now sells smoothies

But no need to hurry, only 0.9% of them argon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeb_Screb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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My daughter's teacher gave her a project to write the English alphabet on slips of paper. Unfortunately 25 letter slips got wrinkled on her way to school.

But atleast she has a smoothie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Tablets, smoothies; why do people want their nutrients so fast?

Because the old tree ents were too slow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZenSeneca
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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I was walking down the street in Heaven, and I saw a guy selling smoothies made of love, joy, and peace

He said they were fruit smoothies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Natch42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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My buddy gets all the girls. I watched him work once. He approached a lady and said, "girl, you remind me of a thick, creamy beverage made from raw fruit, vegetables, and sometimes dairy products, typically pureed using a blender!"

He's such a smoothie talker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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What's the opposite of Wrinkly?

Irony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ames0805
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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What do you call an I-Phone in a blender?

Apple Juice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Money_fingers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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So a meeting stretched on for a bit too long, and the client said 'I wouldn't mind a light lunch'.'

So, i said, 'CFL, Incandescent or LED?'

Much groaning ensued amongst my colleagues. Client laughed a lot though.

I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy working with him.

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πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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Sudden Urge to get Naked

(x-post from /r/TalesFromRetail)
[was told I should post it here as well]

This happened shortly after I started back to work in retail.

My grocery shift had just started and I was about to begin facing one end of an aisle when I spotted a man in his mid to late 30s at the other end of the aisle. We made eye contact and he made a beeline straight for me.

Me: "Hi. How are you today?"
Him: "Do you know what to do if you get a sudden urge to strip off all your clothes and run around naked in public?"

Now, at this moment, I'm not sure what's happening. I can't pick up any clues from his body language that would indicate where this conversation is going to go. I'm a wee bit concerned that this man is about to start taking off his clothes in front of me. Not exactly what I had planned for the day. He's staring at me intently, waiting for a reply. I don't want to spook him, so I do the only thing I can think of and that's just to stand there and stare at him silently.

After a few seconds, he says to me "Just spray yourself down with Windex. It prevents streaking. Have a nice day!"

He grins and walks away. I started laughing (a little too hysterically ... mostly because of relief).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unicorn_brew
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
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My friend’s fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation.

He now sells smoothies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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If tomatos are furit...

Does that mean tomato sauce is a smoothie?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheme13on
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Tomatoes are fruits according to wikipedia...

That makes ketchup a smoothie!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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Everybody, meet Darko.

Darko is my incredibly foreign dad (yes - that's his real name). This subreddit should expect many lame jokes from him.

It was a Saturday morning and I was enjoying my day of sleeping in after a tiring week of school. Darko rushes into my room and shakes me awake with a look of epiphany on his face.

> Me: "Ughh, what is it, dad?"

> Darko: "I was making breakfast when I realized something... If tomatoes are considered fruit... then shouldn't ketchup be called a smoothie?"

...was the joke really worth waking me up, dad. Was it.

Edit: Formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_will_regreddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
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A Classic Dad Joke

My dad texts me late at night:

Dad: If there is nobody to hear me make a peanut butter sandwich... Did I really just eat one?

Me: Somehow, I think you did. You should have made a green smoothie, like me.

Dad: You are a green smoothie?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brunettemidwife
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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Well... He's not wrong?

Me: You want a blueberry smoothie?

Dad: I think it'd be more of a blueberry lumpy.

Me: shakes head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovelyzombie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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Breakfast today

Dad: What do ya want for breakfast Me: A smoothie Dad: what about a roughy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NSA_AGENT23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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