I literally slept like 8 hours today
When I was a baby I slept all the time but I slept less and less as I got older....
...I didn't want to be accused of kidnapping.
Since my daughter was born I haven't slept for 11 months.
Because that would be entirely too long.
What do you call a friend whom you have slept with?
I haven’t slept for 6 days.
Because that would be too long.
I was so excited to work this morning that last night I slept like a baby.
I woke up every 2 hours and cried.
I slept like a muffler last night
I slept so badly last night I started reading the dictionary
By 4am I was past caring...
I once slept with a girl I met during a festival, but we didn’t utter a word to each other before, during or after.
And I must say, it made it rather in-tents.
Tho my son was going to start a petition to ban them, he slept on his specially built bed...
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, “Dad, what do you think this is?...
...the Land of the Rising Son?”
I slept horribly. I kept dreaming I was a Catalytic Converter.
My husband said the baby hadn't slept AT ALL when I was gone, which is abnormal.
I told him, "the baby...is resisting a-rest."
There was this kinky burglar who would sneak into people's bedrooms to give them a pedicure as they slept. .
I haven't slept for days.
I'm okay though. I sleep nights.
What did Julius Ceasar say upon finding out his friend slept with an unattractive person?
My girlfriend said she slept with 5 people before we met. I wouldn't mind but I was only 20 minutes late.
I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.
She said “Yes.... all the other guys were nines or tens”
I haven’t slept for 7 days
Usually I only sleep for about 8 hours
I’m tired of seeing “Hey OP, I slept with your mom last night!” every time I post something on Reddit.
I shouldn’t have told my dad what my username was.
My son slept with a newly homeless girl.
He said "no hobo" afterwards, like I taught him.
I haven't slept in days.
It's a good thing I sleep at night.
I just slept on a memory foam mattress for the first time
it made a great first impression.
A drunk Roman is talking to a stranger in a bar “Do you know how many women I slept with?”
My dad never slept on the floor.
It was beneath him to do so.
My girlfriend asked me how I slept last night.
Lying down with my eyes closed.
Last night I slept like a baby.
I woke up every 20 minutes, flailing about, and I shat myself twice.
Did you hear about the horse that only slept during the day?
The owners said it was a real nightmare
I slept terrible last night. I kept having these weird dreams about car mufflers.
Do you wanna know how I slept?
Last night I slept like an Anime character
Because this morning I’m Dragon Ball Z
A man slept for longer and longer each year.
He was gaining inte-rest.
What do you call a bunch of model homes that slept well?
I slept for 8 hours straight.
I slept like a log last night
Slept like a log last night
woke up in the fireplace.
I slept like a baby last night.
Woke up every two hours and shit myself.
Slept like a baby last night...
... slept for two hours, cried for one. Slept for two more hours, cried for one.
I slept like a dog last night
I haven’t slept for three days
I slept like a log last night
I woke up in the fireplace
I slept like a log last night
when I woke up, I was in the fireplace.
Slept like a log last night
woke up in the fireplace.
I haven't slept a week
Because that would be too long
My wife slept like a log last night.
Her head was in the fireplace.
My dad said that he slept like a muffler last night.
I slept like a muffler last night
But I still woke up exhausted
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