I think it’s Stuck-home Syndrome
It was clear they had B9 in tents.
But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind
It was a severe winter, and this particular night was bitterly cold. There was a loud knocking at the door which was opened to find Quasimodo shivering.
He was brought in, fed warm food and given a warm place to sleep. The next morning, at breakfast, Quasimodo very diffidently approached the Archbishop to thank him for sheltering him.
"Your Grace," he added, "please give me some work to do so I can earn my keep. I am very good at bell ringing."
"My son," replied the Archbishop, "that is indeed fortuitous timing, as our campanologist is leaving on a pilgrimage to Lourdes. I am wondering, though, with your gnarled hands, if you will not have some difficulty ringing the bells."
"Your Grace, I do not use my hands," Quasimodo explained. "Allow me to demonstrate."
They all went to the belfry, shooed away the bats, and Quasimodo started to ring the bells - with his head.
Everyone was impressed and he got the job. He would ring the bells every day at the appointed time.
For Christmas, he decided to play a symphony as a way to thank everyone. He played so beautifully that everyone was moved to tears.
For the grand finale, he decided to end with a crescendo, so as the last chimes were ringing out on the other nine bells, he drew back to the end of the belfry, ran to the tenth bell and took a flying leap at the bell.
And missed.
He couldn't stop himself, and flew straight out of the belfry to go splat on the pavement below, dead.
People gathered, the gendarmes were summoned, and they started asking if anyone knew who this poor fellow was.
Someone around spoke up, "I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
(to be continued)
He was a real pillow of the community.
In for a Penny, in for a pound, as they say.
We are not cul"pup"ble for injuries caused by dogs.
"May... may I speak to George, please?"
What did one cat say to the lazy cat? "Stop lion around!"
"Easy" I replied
They all have collar ID
He calls himself a cilantropist.
T and P! (Tea and pee to be a teepee)
It's not much, but at least I have my pride
Wherever you left him.
Told my wife we better head to the basement to shelter from the cyclown.
But I quit when I started hearing invoices.
Pa-tent pending
Let that sink in.
Unfortunately we had to name the dog curiosity.
They reduced meowers.
Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out
He kept on Biden me
http://imgur.com/C5p5it9
It's my new digs.
Now that's what I call structural integrity
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
A tan hut!!
Ps, my buddy who is a marine hates me for this joke
Mostly because they live sheltered lives.
Their houses are always stable.
At yeast we have each other!
A diamond in the ruff
They're con-tented at least.
It's a Pride Parade.
She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!
We'll just call it a subwoofer.
"I like my cats how I like my women: desperate and incarcerated"
Edit: I told my dad I posted this here. He's happy about the upvotes but also mad because "MY JOKES ARE FUNNY, GOD DAMMIT"
Because they only weigh one pound
I said it doesn’t matter what we call him, he’s not gonna come to us
Not all heroes wear crepes
They keep hounding me to come back in.
Let that sink in…
