I officially became a father a few days ago! My sweet daughter has a some jaundice so we've had to stay in the hospital a few more days for treatment.
The nurse lugged I a big box and said "we are going start light therapy"
Me "looks heavy"
At the ball were many important people, well above the setup’s class. There was Original Content, Reposts, and even a couple from Google Searches for ‘Dad Jokes Nobody Knows’.
Just seeing them made his mouth dry, so he began looking for something to drink. He knew his friend Joke was there somewhere, part of the crew catering the food and drinks. Seeing a server carrying glasses of champagne, he went up to him and asked,
“Would you know where to find the one they call the Joke? He’s supposed to be running drinks I think,”
“Yeah! For sure. He’s right over there! You’ll find him at the end of the punch line,”
My wife was getting ready for church and I was in charge of dressing the kids. I got my son dressed and told him to go tell his mother.
Son: "Daddy and I are best buds".
Wife: "That's great to hear".
Son: pulling on his sweater and upset "No, we're best buds".
Wife: "I know, you said that before".
I walk in with a matching outfit "No, we're vest buds!"
Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....
He did not get it...
(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))
They replied back "Very NAS"
So, I'm a Spanish professor, and I gave a final exam this morning. One of the last parts was that students had to write a paragraph using reflexive verbs in which they describe their daily routine. Since the class only had nine students in it, I told them that if they wanted to wait, I would grade their exams for them and tell them their class grade.
It was an open-book final exam (11 pages long), so I was in my office, and a graduating senior finished first and gave me her exam. When I got to her paragraph, I saw that she had written in Spanish that every day she woke up, got up, took a shower, got dressed, brushed her teeth, ate breakfast, and then she and her friend Emmy went horseback riding. Now, I knew that she didn't go horseback riding, ever, but that it was vocabulary from the previous chapter. The following conversation ensued:
Me: Horseback riding? Really?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every day?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every single day?
Her: Sí, Señor.
Me: I guess you could call it a stable routine then.
I've been accused of being a deadbeat dad-joker.
The ones before written language
Son: Can I have something to drink?
Me: Yeah I'll go get you some water.
Son: Hello thirsty!
My favorite thing to do is when someone uses the wrong your/you're, for example: > Your incredibly stupid
I'll respond with: > My incredibly stupid what?!
"Wanna meet up later and help me figure out this shelf?"
"Sure! Maybe we can pick up a shelf help book."
Her: "I remember hearing last year that the Corn Festival in Sun Prairie is pretty fun, want to go?"
Me: "I'm in but it'd better be aMAIZEing"
Her: If there's a Mrs. Dash, what does Mr. Dash do? Me: Oh, he's a stay-at-home dad, he takes care of their daughter, Emily. Her: (blank stare) Me: They call her Em. Her: (blank stare)
I then had to explain what an em dash is, but I still got a good laugh about it. She rolled over.
