Remarked Puns

I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"

I looked at her a bit surprised. "Our yard is actually larger than the average yard, at least twice as much!" She showed me a picture of her friends yard, and I told her "That yard has to be at least 20, even 30 times larger than the average yard, ours is only twice as large, I checked. It's at least 7 feet."

My dad replied "well people are just dying to get in there"

The whiteboard.

Is the dry erase board!

Chop

Saw

Slice

Snip

Trim

sometimes he laughs

Apparently, their economy is remarkable.

(This may be more of a granddad joke timewise)

I said “Mark, my words!”

The cashier said never mind.

Whiteboards.

No matter where they park it’s always a prime location.

• "Can't talk, busy camping," replied Tom, intent.
• "The French don't deserve our thanks," said Tom mercilessly.
• "Haven't you heard me singing in church?" Tom inquired.
• "I'll win this tennis game if I get one more point, " Tom deduced.
• "I didn't eat my T-bone tonight," said Tom mistakenly.
• "So you're asking about my mink coat," Tom inferred.
• "I'm wearing a watch around my wrist," said Tom with abandon.
• "I'm the most important salmon vendor," said Tom selfishly.
• "I was correct the first three times, and I am correct now," said Tom forthrightly.
• "Castration is reversible," Tom remembered.
• "I brought the dessert," said Tom piously.
• "I command my own private army," said Tom maliciously.
• "I'll order the same meat as last time," Tom revealed.
• "I've never swum in Egypt's longest river," said Tom in denial.
• "Et tu?" asked Tom brutally.
• "That's women for you," said Tom dismissively.
• "I'll have a bowl of Chinese soup," said Tom wantonly.
• "I eat everything," said Tom in jest.
• "I gave you your freedom, and I can take it away," said Tom deliberately.
• "Maybe if I rub this lamp something good will happen," said Tom ingeniously.
• "I'm never taking an Uber again," Tom derided.
• "That dog is a mongrel," Tom muttered.
• "It's too bad Babe isn't on our team," said Tom ruthlessly.
• "Maybe I should stop using worms to catch fish... or maybe not," Tom debated.
• "Hemingway is my favorite author," said Tom earnestly.
• "This drumming is too easy," said Tom without missing a beat.
• "This is a frozen dessert,” I screamed.
• "Now I have TWO duck feathers", Tom doubled down.
• "She would never answer her phone the first time, you always had to hang up once," Tom recalled.
• "Two plus five is seven,” Tom added.
• "I only have Diamonds, Clubs and Spades," said Tom heartlessly.
• "It's okay, the PlayStation still works," Tom consoled.
• "Capital punishment is mostly used on the lower classes," said Tom with poor execution.
• "Where are all of my old board games?" asked Tom cluelessly.
• "I might be acquitted," said Tom without conviction.
• "I've never dyed my hair red, but I'll try it," said Tom gingerly.
• "Ugh! I need to shave again," Tom bristled.
• "Whale hunting makes me so sad," Tom blubbered.
• "I'll quit smoking marijuana right now!" said Tom bluntly.
• "I like hot dogs more than hamburgers," said Tom frankly.
• "I signed it twice," Tom remarked.
• "I received a letter to take my car in for repair," Tom recalled.
• "I hate pale ale," sai

What direction do frightened cows run?

Coward.

Where do cows and pigs work?

At a Farm-acy

the Dry Erase Board has been the most remarkable.

I am a 57 yr old apprentice electrician currently in school. My instructor was explaining an electronic circuit and then told us it was an "ON-DELAY" timer. Without hesitation, i yelled out "Does it work faster in Mexico?" I immediately received 24 groans and eye rolls from my classmates(all much younger than myself). I only wish a had a mic to drop!!

EDIT:Thanks for the awards, almost as good as the groans and eyerolls!!

Don't ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

and he said nothing. A two month old dog knows basic maths!!!

After a moment I replied, "Dry erase boards, certainly."

The fourth one ducked

My dad immediately remarks, "It's fish-ful there haha."

repercussions

They always need time to mull-et over

Dry erase boards.

It's remarkable!

They're remarkable.

It's a whiteboard

He admitted guilt, and said he did it because the clone made inappropriate remarks about him. Judges ruled him guilty of making an obscene clone fall.

They're a pretty remarkable invention

Be forehand

One of humanity's most remarkable inventions.

Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."

I boastfully reply “I fucking hope not she’s only been on five minutes”

Remarkable

It's remarkable.

I mean, there just remarkable!