I was at a concert of which a Scandinavian woman was playing on stage, one of my friends turns to me and remarks β€œI wonder if she’s from Sweden” another friend says β€œmaybe Norway?” My final friend asks β€œdo you thinks she’s Finnish?”

I boastfully reply β€œI fucking hope not she’s only been on five minutes”

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Suggs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was rubbing a lamp containing fermented soya beans and suddenly a mythical creature popped up and started making sexist remarks against women.

Miso-Genie.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the President say when his prepared remarks got blown away by the wind?

Nothing, he was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Liams_Nissan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What piece of clothing makes trivial remarks?

A petticoat

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
This guy was making some remarks about my hearing aid, but I couldn't be sure what exactly he was saying.

Thankfully the doctor was there and he spoke up for me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A cutting remark
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I announced to my family, "Certain people in this house have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves..."

"...but I don't like to point fingers."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad and his witty remarks
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/be-awesome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
🚨︎ report
A remark while using my bathroom

"If this toilet paper was any thinner it'd only have one side!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leetsoup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
🚨︎ report
If there's one thing I own that's remarkable

It's a whiteboard

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards are remarkable.

That is all.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tnoble2945
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
πŸ‘︎ 27k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foreverxtrue24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My professor wrote on his syllabus "If anyone asks me how I'm doing, my answer will always be 'I am great, how are you?'"

So when we ask him how he's doing, his answer is "It's on the syllabus".

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.

Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Catillionaire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My mum was putting away a container of raspberries and remarked that is was leaking

I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StefDraws69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?

Knee on yellow.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Know what’s remarkable?

A mark

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hiiam_larry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can erase things on a white board? Its pretty remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mi_sh_aaaa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s been written before and I’m sure it will be written again, the dry erase board is so remarkable...

*written on before...*written on again... some jerk keeps rubbing it off 😁

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I just thought of something remarkable

A whiteboard

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikemacd42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife designed a dress made completely from recycled whiteboards!

It's really quite remarkable!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uranus_be_cold
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
This is remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Silent_Shot1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards are remarkable reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Qwakkie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
White boards are remarkable.
πŸ‘︎ 694
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilbhavsar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I hope the inventor of the whiteboard realizes how truly remarkable his creation is.
πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/platypuns
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
🚨︎ report
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.

One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.

"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Yes we do
πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of whiteboards?

They're a pretty remarkable invention.

Edit: thanks kind stranger! My first ever award! Edit 2: Thanks for the Platinum kind stranger!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BTWGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
One my friends is studying in New Zealand and her boyfriend is studying in Canada. I told this to someone and remarked on how romantic it would be for them to date on the International date line .
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hal_potter_seven
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I love whiteboards

They’re remarkable

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the confident whiteboard say to the dry erase marker?

I am remarkable!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radioactivguy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Life is like a box of chocolates...

It's destroyed remarkably fast by an emotional woman.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards... are remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zalack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Of all the inventions in the world the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
πŸ‘︎ 161
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lauripetas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards are remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards

are remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 253
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards are remarkable.
πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATGaming_YT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards are quite remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebeastyboi75
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I just got a dry erase board.

It's remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards are remarkable.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ForeverHusker
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Dry Erase Board

are truly remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MosesActual
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards are remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lafleur2017
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
whiteboards are remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheekyasian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards...

They are remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Whiteboards are remarkable.
πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDalek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2013
🚨︎ report

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