Relies Puns

or are they?

I replied "no, you do" and unplugged his life support.

A thesaurus

Propagandalf

So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases

So I said, “No u!” And unplugged his life support

The BDSM subreddit.

...they always toe the line.

Tips

An Optical Aleutian

I’ll see myself out...

No, ewe.

They rely on Herring aids

Seize their memes of production.

I guess I was off quay.

the people who rely on statistics are wrong 76.5% of the time ...

I have to say, though: I'm disappointed they didn't go with General Mills.

I relied, "Cutting calories!"

they'd wouldn't have to rely on tips

If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.

Last night my dad fell down the stairs and broke his hip. Mom took him to the ER and I met them there. The nurse comes in to ask what happen and my dad explained he tripped going up the stairs. Nurse tries to joke that “stairs are jinky fellas always trying to trip people” to which I relied “yup, can’t trust ‘um, they are always up to something”.

-mic drop

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

A proton walks into a hotel and the bellhop asked if he had any luggage. The proton relied, “No, I’m traveling light. “

As a big proponent of the dadjoke I want to argue that a dadjoke is not just a pun. I see lots of material submitted here that might be better suited for /r/punny.

Speaking as a dad, for me a classic dad joke is highly dependent on the context.

I can't whip out old standbys at any moment and call them proper dadjokes. If I'm driving my kid to school I can't just ask him "Hey, do you know why the kids couldn't see the pirate movie? It was rated aaarrrgh!". That's just a bad joke.

OTOH, if my kid says "are" kinda funny (which he has before), and I make a joke about him being the youngest pirate I know (I may or may not have done this before), then that's a dadjoke. A shitty one, but still a dadjoke. The best context ones are where a situation presents itself and the dad takes the opportunity to make the lame joke (as in a post from awhile back where the OP overheard three or four dads make almost the exact same joke at an aquarium).

Straight up puns should go to /r/punny. Context specific jokes which rely on vagaries of the language or the funny situation, should stay here.

Just my two cents worth.

I came home college to find a life insurance policy with my name on it. I asked my dad why it was for so little, and he relied with, "that's just to cover the booze for the celebration party."

They both rely on the batter

Context: my dad had been relying on a cane after injuring his back, and it had been making his arm tired.

Dad: You know, my arm still isn't right?

Me: Oh?

Dad: Because it's left! But seriously, it still hurts...

My dad and I were watching a quiz show earlier today, and there was a question about the Ancient Egyptian cat-headed 'goddess of protection.'

I asked him if that's what they relied upon before contraception. He replied, 'Yes, prophylactcats.'

The cashier asked him if he wanted to be a member there and he said Yes so the cashier proceeded to ask "okay what's your street name?" He relied "tall white boy from the hood"