Conversation regarding YouTuber Therapist "Dr Honda" I had with my girlfriend
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J-L-Picard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.

I still think he was selling himself short.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Virtual-Prime
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I conducted a study for Steve Jobs regarding the lack of evolution in his employees.

Those are Apple Bottom Genes.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
We’re remodeling our home’s exterior and my wife is being prying/divisive regarding who I’m hiring to do the job.

She really wants to know who I’m siding with

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daddymcdadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got married so I wrote her a poem regarding what she meant to me...

I ode her that much.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Work pun regarding a dewar (large metal tank used for liquid nitrogen)
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Timmy12er
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Just watched a great documentary on Netflix regarding Chewbacca's porcelain skills...

It's called - Hairy Potter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My response to my wife’s update to friends and family regarding my surgery
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skhenson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Three of my high school's percussionists were all involved in a torrid affair regarding the geometric shaped piece of metal...

It was an odd love triangle...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Had an argument with my physiotherapist regarding my posture

But now I stand corrected

πŸ‘︎ 237
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sammy_Colon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I have 2 part-time jobs. For one, I put sodas into aluminum containers. For the other, I document a person's desires regarding what happens to their property after death

I can and I will.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad joke pun the GF hit me with this morning regarding blue jeans

While putting on a pair of jeans this morning before work, I remarked to my gf something along the lines of "I've had these jeans for years, they're so old!"

To which she replied: "Yeah I can see that, they look like they've been in your family for generations."

I'm still absolutely floored with pride.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I received a call regarding a new hearing aid.

The connection was bad, I couldn’t hear a thing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xFarrokh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
People are going crazy about Sony and Disney regarding Spiderman

They probably can't come to agreement on Spiderman because they don't want any strings attached.

People going so crazy it breaks the whole web

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ReferCS
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A man called the police regarding a fly problem…

So I'm watching a show called outrageous 911 Calls, and there was a story of an old man who was cooking bacon that ended up burning. So he opens up his back door to try and air out some of the smoke. Well, the smell starts attracting flies and of course he calls the police to report it and hope that they can send someone to handle the fly issue. The emergency operator says the police cannot do anything to help him.

So I turn to my friend who is watching along side me, and I say, "Obviously the police can't help him, he needs a swat team."

Bah dum, tss

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deatoai
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a rumour regarding a mask?

A masquerade

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatShanksguy09
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I finally won an argument with my wife regarding my favorite tea...

I was about thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DandyBeyond
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Regarding the current top post, I'd like to add

1 + 1 = 2. Thanks.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I try to encourage my wife to come up with her own mom jokes. So when she asked me to make one up regarding wood, I got a little upset.

"Cedar, that's what I'm talking about. Its not oak-ee doke to take credit for what wood be my joke. Every bodhi has to create their own." I told her. Didn't mean to chop her down like that in hindsight. I hope she still pines after me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Had this conversation with my co-worker regarding the recent age-discrimination case in Oregon.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeanzelini
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new math book regarding combining infinities?

It's a new addition.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/britamordio
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I made a β€œsuggestion for improvement” to my wife regarding her cooking.

She responded β€œyou know, I slave away all day in this kitchen..”

So I cut in: β€œand you still can’t seem to get it right.”

On the plus side, it’s way roomier than I would have expected in this doghouse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phisopholer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
They finally had that meeting regarding daylight savings

It was about time

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thorzyn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I guess there have been safety concerns regarding NASCAR's track designs; specifically with the turns. In an attempt to address them, the courses were reversed.

They're all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Does any have any good puns regarding famous authors or book titles? I'm in desperate need!
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EvTheSmev
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2013
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my housemates regarding pets...

One of my housemates said he thought a hedgehog would make a cool pet, I replied "Nah, you don't want a hedgehog, they're all pricks."

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cindres91
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
What did the monarch exclaim regarding the attempted coup?

"Revolting!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Just got this text from my dad regarding a college class I may fail.

This can be a good learning experience for you, It's best to get help on the front end, don't be to proud to do that, try your best to stay caught up. I couldn't spell Kat when I first heard the word but with some help I finally picked up on it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ForRiskyClicks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Regarding Iran's nuclear deal, John BOEHNER might face....

...some STIFF competition

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EternalPharoah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Lots of discussion regarding energy. But I have to ask, does energy even matter?

Yes energy matters, but only if you you divide it by the speed of light squared.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uptwolait
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my wife last night regarding a package

I opened up the front door to check if a package had been delivered and walked away disappointed, "Darnit! I was expecting my deoderant to arrive."

Wife, in the most "whatever" tone she could muster: "Oh no! What are you going to do?"

Me: "I'm going to throw my hands in the air and say, 'This stinks!'"

Edit: Fixed phone keyboard nonsense.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riskable
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Regarding the museum.

As my dad was driving me to college we saw a sign called the Havre De Grace Decoy Museum. My dad asks me, "If that is the decoy museum, where is the real one?!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moozie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked at dinner regarding Proctologists.

Background:

Eating dinner at a friends house with about 8 people. I have no idea how, but we started talking about prostate exams, and how men would rather have slimmer fingers than bigger ones perform the exam.

Me: Yea, I would rather have someone with smaller hands do the exam, but I would prefer a male doctor than a female.

Friend 1: Do you think there are any homosexual male proctologists?

Friend 2: I'm sure some have slipped through the cracks.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_fatties
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joke found in an Askreddit thread regarding contracting herpes.

Well it started out as herpes. Guess it's ourpes now.

Creds to /u/straydog1980 for making my day.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
🚨︎ report
My buddy to his daughter regarding their dog..

Daughter: "Dad, call the dog!"

My buddy: "What should I call it?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Him
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Regarding to cake

Me: I think I'll take a piece for the road.

My dad: why don't you just take a piece for your self, the road isn't hungry

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mslvr40
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Regarding a movie my gf watched

GF: "It's about this girl who travels the world searching for herself..."

Me: "Sounds like buying a mirror could have saved a lot of time and effort"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaskatchewanSteve
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Regarding the Super Bowl's Roman Numerals

Me: Is the next Super Bowl just going to be "L"? Cause that doesn't sound as cool as XLIX. It needs lots of Xs.

Dad: Maybe it'll be XxV, get it? Like X times V.

Me: Uh-huh. Wait, did the Romans even know how to multiply?

Dad: Of course they did, that's why there were so many of them!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tornato7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my wife regarding a restaurant review

My wife and I love trying new restaurants, so she was excited to tell me about a review she read about a local place that featured food from Laos.

Naturally, I had to ask: "Did the critic think the food was Laos-y?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdm242
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
🚨︎ report
I just got dadjoked by my dad regarding former Miami Dolphins Robert Konrad's miraculous survival story.

I told my dad about Robert Konrad falling out of his boat and swimming 12 hours back to shore in the dark facing 10 foot waves, sharks, stinging jellyfish and 25 mile per hour winds. He poked his head around the corner and said "You know how he survived don't you? He is a dolphin." I cringed so hard since I was expecting some old man wisdom about the will to live etc. edit: actually he spent 16 hours in the water swimming for shore.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Constrictorboa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad texting me regarding the state of African Cricket.

" The Zimbabwe Cricket Board have just announced that they discovered ebola in their cricket team, but this has not caused any concern since they also found ebatsman & efielda..."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sam0n
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.