My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?
Burnadebt
(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Every time we asked our dad if we could have pets, he refused.
He said, “Pets are just a step backwards.”
What do you call a donkey that refuses to move?
Why did the Sushi chef refuse to serve the musician?
Why did the drowning Pharoah refuse to ask for help?
My son refused to go to sleep
I told him he was guilty of resisting a rest.
Why did the Pharaoh refuse to believe his son had drowned?
Because he was in The Nile
My daughter refused to go to bed on time.
I told her she’d be booked for resisting a rest.
Any time I ask my dad how he learned Braille, he refuses to give me a straight answer.
For him, it’s a touchy subject.
What did the chicken say to the Lobster who refused to wear a face mask?
The hardware store guy offered to sell me a 50 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.
I made some toast and refused to give our little doggo a bite. My kids asked why she looked so sad...
I told them she was lack-toast intolerant.
"Back so soon? I thought you went for a haircut, dad?" asked my son. "Well..." I replied. "My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused."
"I couldn't accept all those perms and conditions."
I refused to believe my son got fired as a road worker for theft.
But when I got home, all the signs were there
Apparently there’s a group down the street that’s amazing at grabbing things, but they refuse to do it when I’m around.
They never seize to amaze me
I refuse to vote for anyone in the dried fruit competition.
There aren't any good candied-dates.
Why did the bacteria refuse the invitation to the rodeo?
Man with a picaxe was refused service...
I was trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but I was refused.
The company said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”
Why did the man refuse to jump out the window?
He didn't want to go through any pane.
My dad had a failing heart and refused to get surgery.
But in the end, he had a change of heart.
My son refuses to eat rice if it in not white.
I said “Son, that’s ricest!”
Why did the hippopotami refuse to change?
Because they live in the Nile!
Last night at dinner, we were eating sushi, so I asked my wife, "What do you call refusing to incriminate your salmon?"
She swung and missed (getting to "Pleading the fifth" before eventually ending up at "Salmon the fifth?").
Then my 5-year-old daughter asked, "What was the first word you said?" and when told it was "Pleading," she said, "It would be 'Pleading the FISH'!"
I've never been so proud of her.
I refuse to let my kids join orchestra.
I would hate for them to resort to violins.
My therapist refused to help me with my fear of backing up my car
She said she would under no circumstances perform reverse psychology
My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to sleep.
I guess it's an insomni-yak
I started a garden and the basil is refusing to grow.
Why did the yogi refuse anesthetic to have his tooth extracted?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Did you hear about the three year old arrested for refusing to take a nap?
did you hear about the buddhist who refused novocain during a root-canal?
he wanted to transcend dental medication.
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.
To summarize:
He's never gonna give you Up
Never gonna lend you Down
Never gonna run around, and dessert you.
Why did Bernie Sanders refuse to return to the Senate after the primaries?
He wanted to practice socialist distancing
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
The Emperor of Gorgasol refused to appoint his daughter as his heir.
Needless to say, she was not empressed.
To keep the virus away, I'm taking forever to open the door, refusing to change the temperature and only playing games in single player mode.
In other words, I'm doing everything I can to be a bad host.
I quit my job at the helium factory.
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
My lesbian friends wanted a Full House themed wedding, but the priest refused.
He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.
Why did the military general refuse to use social media?
It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
The bomb didn't want to go off.
When they tried to arrest her, Cleopatra refused to be taken alive.
Damn girl, is your posterior an analogy for a disgruntled employee that refuses to leave the premises after being asked to voluntarily terminate?
Because your ass just won't quit.
EDIT: you clicked knowing what the punchline was going to be... so that's on you.
If a child is refusing to take their nap or go to bed... can I call the cops on them?
Technically they are resisting a rest!
I said to my wife, "I refuse to believe our son got fired for theft as a road worker!"
My wife replied, "Come on Simon, the signs were all there."
Whenever I say anything to my horse, he denies it, refuses it, opposes it, or is skeptical or cynical about it.
My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.
They said I have a pre existing condition.
Why did the torn rope refuse to go to the dark cabin
My wife refuses to go to karaoke with me.
Why do my fingers refuse to agree with my thumbs?
Because my thumbs are opposable.
Why is Robert Downey Jr refusing to take new roles?
My wife found I was cheating when she saw the letters I was hiding
After that she refuses to play Scrabble with me ever again
Why is there 2 d's in 'Reddit'?
I just wanted to leave a few dad jokes if that's okay with all dads in this subreddit....
1.bI refused to believe my dad was fired as a road worker for theft
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- Yesterday, I was fired from a keyboard factory
Apparently, I wasn't putting enough shifts.
- My friends bet me $50 that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti
You should've seen the look on their face when I drove pasta.
- The price of a slice of an apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in Bahamas
These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
- "Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addicts group", a man said.
"Btw I have to say I'm very disappointed to see only a few new faces this week."
My neighbour lends people money, but refuses to take on partners or associates.
He's a lone-wolf loan-shark.
Why did the priest refuse to learn trigonometry?
Because it is full of sin
Police were called to a day care to investigate a 3yo who was refusing to take a nap
They charged him with resisting a rest
Two melons were having a conversation about their furture
They were in love, but one of their parents refused to let one of the melons marry the other, so it suggested that they run off and get married. The other melon said, "I'm sorry, but I cantaloupe."
My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our friend Ty is now the state boxing champion.
The Chinese don’t want to recognize Ty won.
I had a guy come up to me at the store the other day as I was browsing the candy section and proclaimed "I refuse to eat Werther's originals!" Confused, I asked "Why's that?"
Why did the orange refuse to get car insurance?
Because he already had... anti-accidents.
I refuse to get a brain transplant
Unless, that is, you change my mind
My son got sent to jail for refusing to take a nap
My son refused to go to sleep last night so I sent him to jail
I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.
I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.
I was sick and tired of my wife refusing to have sex with me.
So I took matters into my own hands...
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time.
Are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time...
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
My Himalayan friend has a bull that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
My barber wanted we to sign a contract before cutting my hair, but I refused...
I wouldn't accept his perms and conditions.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time...
Are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.
They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”
If my kid refuses to sleep when it’s nap time,
Does that mean he’s guilty for resisting a rest?
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
My pastor friend refused to participate in a Full House themed lesbian wedding.
He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.
If your toddler is refusing to take a nap…
Are they resisting a rest?
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, does that mean they're guilty of resisting a rest?
I had to call the cops on my son for refusing to take a nap.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time.
Does that mean that they are guilty of resisting a rest
I used to refuse to believe that my son got fired as a road worker for theft...
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I refused to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I got home,
all the signs were there.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.
They said, “If your tent gets destroyed, you won’t be covered.”
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If a kid refuses to take a nap
Could you say he is resisting a rest
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding
After that she refuses to play Scrabble with me.
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