I have no objection to people being spontaneous,

I just think there is a time and a place for it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A relatable inanimate object pun that I drawded.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-KeyLime-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone asked how much I know about carving objects out of wood.

I replied, β€œA whittle.”

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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I just heard on the news that a spinning pointy object was discovered downtown...

Apparently that's their top story

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncorruptedQuiver
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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Chemist n Plumber
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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Took me a while
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeevist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I proudly exclaimed to my family, "As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass!"

"I just wanted to make that clear!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. There is no Time.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to get small shocks every time I touched metal objects, but I don't anymore.

I'm just ex-static.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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I sent a circle to college, and it quickly became the smartest object on the planet.

Seriously, it had 360 degrees!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nekronous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the cow say to the celestial object?

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breedweezy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.

I call it the 0k boomer experiment.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad at me for have sexual affairs with inanimate objects

I told her it was one night stand...

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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My wife is such a sex object.

Every time I want sex, she objects.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/psburrito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.

Me: Can we change the subject?

Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
We preserve objects very well these days.

Soon, artefacts may just become a thing of the past.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Artifcial_autism
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians

It was a bombshell

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRTJ115
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Who would run a country where there are only objects used for geometrical drawing?

The Supreme Ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alepanino
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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What is the most sexual object in the world?

A door, because it wont stop banging the frame.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSnuffy
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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This one weird object will literally shock you!
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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The Muppets teamed up with NASA to name a newly discovered celestial object.

Upon its first sighting, the Jim Henson Company issued a press release, "Comet Defrog here."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing

I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!

I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...

"Heinz-sight is 20/20"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaleoGamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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My wife said I can't treat people like objects.

I'm not so sure I can live with that.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition...

and soon discovered he seriously misunderstood the objective.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
If you die from smoking weed does that mean that you were killed by a blunt object?
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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It’s funny they call them β€œunidentified flying objects”

I could identify them right away. those are ufos.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbloobr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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Im quivering in my boots
πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Frankenstein enters a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leianarodriguez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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How do flat round throwing objects sort their opinional differences?

A Discussion

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing

But it's what's inside that counts

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hungrysamy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I think I lost my sense of object permanence

Never mind its back

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimi444
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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I just found out that a circle is the most pointless object
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jwp04
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees?

They have three axes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
After seeing a dead bird I had to tell my 4 year old what it means.

I said it Δ­t : pro. Used to refer to that one previously mentioned. Used of a nonhuman entity; an animate being whose sex is unspecified, unknown, or irrelevant; a group of objects or individuals; an action; or an abstraction.

pro. Used as the subject of an impersonal verb.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dumbstupidhuman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Meditate on it
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OffDutyTaoist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Them: Don’t treat women like objects

Me: Women women = new Women();

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A Muslim woman wanted to fuck a gorilla. Her husband objected and said...

"That's Haram, bae."

πŸ‘︎ 260
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anjelloe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-KeyLime-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I started a business where we weigh microscopic objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I've just started a business where I weigh tiny objects.

It's a small scale operation

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I call my wife the sex object.

Anytime i want sex, she objects.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcharlesboyle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just started my own business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 331
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends and I started a business where we weigh really tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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