Due to complaints, Hawaii passed a law where you're not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel

You can only use a low ha

πŸ‘︎ 332
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Da_Brootalz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Where should you go to submit a complaint?

A winery.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is returning to the office and thus has to go back to wearing work outfits. One of her complaints was that wearing a bra was such a drag...

I’ve always found them to be very uplifting.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rscott1691
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Police have issued an appeal after receiving complaints from farmers that their Cows are being stolen during the night...

Apparently they are looking for a man with a big moo-stash.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/displaynone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I got complaints about my dog chasing people on a bike

I immediately took away his bike

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FarmingFriend
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.

Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
School complaint
πŸ‘︎ 331
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I just made a complaint about the elevator not working

If they don't fix it, further steps will be taken

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When someone on Earth transmits complaints to an astronaut in space, their argument is quickly escalated.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmHumanSoAMA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
There were a lot of complaints about gloves not fitting.

It was really getting out of hand.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsyaboilmaoooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I just typed up a strongly worded complaint using paragraph formatting tools ...

It was entirely justified!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad's perfect response to my sisters complaint

My older sister recently had a new roommate move in and found that roommate to be a bit careless with shared items. She had recently just bought new ceramic knives and came home to find one of the tips broken off. Lamenting to my dad when she came home to visit she exclaimed "$80 knife I just bought is already broken", slamming the broken knife down on the counter.

My dad without missing a beat, looks up from his book, straight faced and says "Well, this is why you can't have knife things."

πŸ‘︎ 275
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ron_pope
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
🚨︎ report
The man wanted to hit the complaint button during his massage but it was just out of reach

He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but she really rubbed him the wrong way.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I received a complaint that my dog was chasing people with bicycles

i never knew dogs can ride a bicycle

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_BlNG_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
🚨︎ report
If law enforcement officers were called to the apartment of a female bassist in response to a noise complaint, there would be sheriffs because she riffs.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ManLeader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
🚨︎ report
With the announcement of Blackberry's new phone the Priv, there have been some complaints about the name.

I guess some people just wish they were privy to how it was named.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sicktaker2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
🚨︎ report
He has received a number of complaints.

Tried calling my dad this morning:

Hello...

Helloooo?

Sorry.... Can you speak up?

Hellooooo???

I really can't hear you....

Probably because I'm not here.

Please leave a message after the tone.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Azemarus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
🚨︎ report
My Papa's response to an everyday complaint...

Me: Papa, I'm hungry. Papa: Hi hungry, I'm Joe. Me: -facepalm-

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/horsiefanatic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
🚨︎ report
I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.

Strong OP onion

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SandJA1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Jack and Jill went up the hill

to file a complaint about the location of the well.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greedydita
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Why was Karen dressed up?

She wanted to make a formal complaint.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linkvideo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient....

he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''

''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I got mugged by six dwarves last night

Not Happy.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm thinkning about opening a hotel that also sells footwear.

I think it would be a real Shoe Inn.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DLeck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one dog say to the other?

"What's up dawg?"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corralreefer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Cold never bothered me anyway...

It was my son's birthday, and we were doing a Thomas the Tank Engine theme. Went to the party supplies shop, and one of the things we got for the party was a helium balloon with Thomas on it. Gave it to him, told him to hold on to it, otherwise it would float up into the sky, all the way to the moon as Peppa Pig phrases it.

Anyway, I'm looking around and I notice something weird... there are Transformers helium balloons, Peppa Pig helium balloons, Barbie helium balloons, Thomas of course, various superheroes... but I notice the complete absence of Elsa and Anna on these balloons. But Frozen must be the most popular theme ever for girl's birthday parties, I would have thought. So why no Frozen helium balloons?

I asked at the counter, and they told me that they used to have them, but they got too many complaints. Apparently every time a parent gave the balloon to a kid, she'd just let it go...

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad's been busy

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

  6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

  1. Took a bo
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought some noise cancelling headphones.

I thought people would find them annoying but so far I haven't heard any complaints.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoopdebop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My chickens had a sudden change of leadership

Someone took the first leader's crown. I've heard complaints that he was winging every decision, running around like a headless chicken. He was probably too cocky to plan for coop attempts.

More on this as I find out information.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoruscareGames
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
First death from Everglades pythons

An intern from the University of Prague was studying the breeding habits of Burmese pythons in the Everglades. Park Rangers were notified when he didn't report in at the end of the day. They managed to capture the pair he was studying.

The necropsy on the female python only found a fawn, several rodents, and a couple of turtle.

When they cut open her mate it was a different story. Sure enough, the Czech was in the male.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flaspike
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?

Your partner will have no complaints about blowing your bonus.....

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
A nervous soldier had jumped from a helicopter. He Radioed to his commander: "Are you sure these parachutes are safe?"

The commander chuckled, reassuring the solider. "We've had no complaints about them."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Vinushka-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Got the police this morning

So around 130 this morning I heard someone using a circular saw outside my apartment. I got out of bed pissed off and saw through my window two people were cutting apart the fence surrounding our garbage bins and stole it.

After 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep, I went out for a smoke and saw a cop car in our lot. Somebody had made a noise complaint and the police responded.

I spoke to them and after giving them a description of what I saw (they found the entire situation hilarious) I asked them "so would you consider this a fence offence?"

Groans were had by all.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maple-Whisky
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife was telling me about how her meeting went.

She told me that all the management voiced their complaints and worries about a returning manager. And that the vibe was stressful and intense.

I stopped her and said "Wait, why wasn't your meeting held inside a building?"

Eyes rolled, deep sigh had. Felt really good.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grangry
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Never saw my boss as a father figure until now.

I was stocking the shelves of the store, when a customers asked if we carry a certain brand of protein powder. I informed him we do not and he asked to see my boss who he complained to, afterwards my boss handed me the customer complaint form he'd filled out which read "Customer very upset that he didn't get his whey"

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Glitter_Cock
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
🚨︎ report
I can't say it yet, but the day will come.

I'm getting married in a few months. The subject of kids comes up once in a while. My fiancee wants to name our first daughter Kara, and I just realized why this will be amazing.

Someday she will reach the age where complaints are the norm and the only thing her eyes can do is roll.

My response to every complaint: "I don't Kara"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AxeEffect3890
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Working at a restaurant, always have a few jokes up my sleeve.

Working as a waiter, I have a couple of wonderful/awful/wonderfully awful jokes when customers place an order. For example...

"Can I please have the rabbit pasta?"

"Oh I'm not sure I'd recommend that, there have been numerous complaints about a hare in their food."

And for the steaks...

"How would you like that cooked?"

"Well done."

"Thanks, but I'm just doing my job."

I either get laughs, confused looks or groans; most of the time I get a combination of the three. But since I'm childless (19 seems a tad young) I have to get my dad jokes out somehow.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Due to noise complaints, they passed a law in Hawaii that you’re no longer allowed to laugh above a certain decibel...

Now you can only use a low ha

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedudenamedjay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I bought some noise cancelling headphones.

I thought people would find them annoying but so far I haven't heard any complaints.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought some noise cancelling headphones

I thought people would find them annoying but so far I haven't heard any complaints.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/batfan186
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.