β€œBack in the day...” my dad started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...

β€œWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

πŸ‘︎ 191
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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My wife lamented that our newly planted hostas in the garden will probably die...

I quickly replied, if it happens, you can say Hosta la vista, baby.

That got me a round of slow clapping from the whole family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tokyo-dawn
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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It’s hot where we live. Wife was lamenting on how we don’t have A/C.

I said β€œHoney, we don’t need that modern technology,” pointing at the ceiling fan I continued, β€œWhen we’ve got something that’s revolutionary.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mydoingthisright
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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My wife was lamenting how quickly our daughter is growing up and wished she was still small, so I turned to my daughter and yelled "You're dumb! No one likes you!"

My wife immediately screamed at me "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO HER!?"

I replied, "You were sad how big she was getting, so I was trying to belittle her."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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A friend was lamenting that "Take Me To Church" was playing at her son's rollerskating birthday party...

She thought the song was too sad for rollerskating. I completely agreed and said there should definitely be a separation of church and skate.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/martyz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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So while walking through the produce section I was lamenting the fact I used to be pretty rad.

Now I'm just rad-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twindadlife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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The time of year: Lent, itself, to Good Friday puns.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikemol
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
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I asked my wife what smelled so good in the kitchen...

As I was grabbing a plate, she said, "It's nacho casserole."

I hung the plate behind my side and lamented, "If it's not my casserole, what am I supposed to eat?"

She started to tell me to eat some of the casserole, but stopped and rolled her eyes at me.

I frickin got'er good, fellas!

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
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My son splashed soup all over my wife at dinner...

... After we cleaned the mess, because he thought it was party time not dinner time, my wife was sitting, defeated, on the couch lamenting having a rowdy toddler. She was listing all the things that could be different if he was calmer (the kid is always full-throttle and smart as fuck, I love it but it's a lot to handle) including not stinking like soup. I look into her eyes, hold her hands in mine, lift her chin up and said:

"Baby, I love you. You smell super."

In unrelated news, sleeping on the couch is better than advertised.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greymalken
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
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My dad's perfect response to my sisters complaint

My older sister recently had a new roommate move in and found that roommate to be a bit careless with shared items. She had recently just bought new ceramic knives and came home to find one of the tips broken off. Lamenting to my dad when she came home to visit she exclaimed "$80 knife I just bought is already broken", slamming the broken knife down on the counter.

My dad without missing a beat, looks up from his book, straight faced and says "Well, this is why you can't have knife things."

πŸ‘︎ 272
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ron_pope
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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At a deli with my dad the other day...

My dad and I were at a local delicatessen recently and I was lamenting the increase of prices for the meats since the last time we were there. He told me in order to lower costs, maybe they should outsource who they buy their meats from...

Dad: "The meat would come from Coldcutta, India".

Me: groan

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlliKnowIsMayo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
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Waiting on line for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

A bit of a reverse-dad joke, my brother and dad were talking about the actors in the movie. My dad was lamenting Megan Fox being April, and said "I don't see how anyone could like that lizard face of hers."

My brother shrugged and calmly responded, "It gives some guys a boners, others get e-reptile dysfunction."

The guy on line behind us started laughing uncontrollably.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_depression
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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Husband got me with a double-whammy

Set-up: I'm reviewing an essay for a classmate and his grammar is lamentable. I'm giving my husband some examples.

Me: He switches tenses mid-sentence and keeps using "begin" instead of "began."

Husband: The problem with people like you is that you're always too tense.

Me: Then get over here and give me a massage!

Husband: No, I believe in women's rights and would never want to be massage-onistic.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amaranthfae
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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Dadjoked my broke-ass friend pretty good today

A friend and I were lamenting how we're both broke at the end of this month. She, a girl with many allergies, ran out of Kleenex (tissue paper) and began using her last toilet paper roll to blow her nose.

"Now, the game begins," she said.

I replied, "Is it perhaps... a race to the bottom?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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What do you call a caper that falls off your bagel?

...an ESCAPER!

Discovered this gem while Wife was carrying her bagel to the table and lamenting the caper that fell to the floor en route.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shyrac
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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Playing cards with friends

The dealer laments "this is exhausting" in reference to passing out cards.

Another friend: "Deal with it."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
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