I refuse to believe that my road work father was stealing from his job.
But when i got home all the signs were there.
What do you call a lady who refuses to pay her bills?
The guy at the hardware store tried to sell me a 500 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.
Why do most men refuse to shave their beard?
Because it has grown on them.
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
If a child refuses to take a nap
When the Wright Brothers were arrested for trespassing at Kitty Hawk, the judge refused to grant them bail...
...he considered them a flight risk.
Why did a father who's son was just born today refused a marriage proposal of a father who's daughter was born just the previous day?
He didn't want his son marrying a girl twice his age.
My friend said, “My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”
Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
Did you hear about the workaholic cop who got handcuffed by his colleagues because he refused to take a lunch break?
My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
My friend refused to admit that he couldn't catch any African fish.
My wife wants me to read Pride and Prejudice, but I refused.
I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book is going to lecture me.
Why did the Jewish pilot refuse to land at the airport?
Why did one twin refuse to live with his brother?
Because he was a terrible womb-mate.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Why did the anarchist refuse to go to the urologist?
Because he refuse to be a part of anything prostate.
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?
Burnadebt
(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.
That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.
Karen’s refuse to wear masks
I guess they are not Karen for themselves
What did the White House say when Trump left and refused to attend the inauguration?
What kind of vegetable refuses to talk to you?
A Harper Lee novel on trial refused to open up about their case case, but was still judged by it's cover.
Moral of the story... Don't kill animals.
Edit: remove one case
When my son refused to take a nap, the police got involved!
Understandable, since he was resisting a rest!
What happens when people refuse to social distance?
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.
If a child is refusing to go to bed
Are they resisting a rest?
My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused!
I just couldn't accept all those perms and conditions!
Those people who refuse to date foot amputees?
They are lack toes intolerant.
I refused to believe my son got fired as a road worker for theft.
But when I got home, all the signs were there
What do you call a police officer who refuses to get out of bed?
I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids.
I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
I confronted my friend Mark because he refuses to return my dictionary.
I said, “Mark, my words!”
Did you hear about the woman who refused to get her female cat spayed?
She was arrested for littering.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
My son wants a porcupine with no quills as a pet, but I refused.
I said, “That seems pointless.”
Did you know garbage men don't get any training?
They just pick things up as they go along.
My daughter refused to go to bed on time.
I told her she’d be booked for resisting a rest.
If you commit 90 sins, you will only get caught half the time.
Every time we asked our dad if we could have pets, he refused.
He said, “Pets are just a step backwards.”
Did you guys hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia during his root canal?
Apparently he wanted to transcend dental medication.
My friend said, “My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”
“A cat” I said. “Cats love fish.
The Police Showed Up When My Son Refused to Take a Nap
They charged him with resisting a rest.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
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