It was my climb-it change.
He was known to be a swinger.
I had Stranger Things to watch.
He drank a full glass.
He was offered a refill.
He declined.
The guy was one punch man.
Transfer them to a different branch
I knew it would just be a hollow gram.
It was a pyramid scheme.
A naybour
I guess she's not easily purse-sueded.
Be sure to watch out for egg poachers
"I don't accept charity."
He's a grower, not a shower.
Experts are saying they are on the way out.
"It 2, Brute?" I had asked.
Every mathematician counts.
Turns out I needed to have cookies disabled.
He thought clowns already had too much of a bad rap
I wont fight an unarmed man.
My middle child, who loves rice, declined the yellow rice we offered him because apparently he only likes one type of rice.
Without missing a beat my daughter (11 y/o) exclaimed, "stop being rice-ist."
My job is done, clearly there is no more I can teach her.
He declined, well, it was probably the wrong thyme.
It became prime against all odds.
"I can't," the lawyer said. "I'd be dis Bard."
In the Nile.
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".
Ent-trophy.
Make America grate again.
Friend (after eating a cookie): Man, I can't remember the last time I had a homemade sugar cookie. Me: Really? It was just a few seconds ago! (massive groans)
But then declined.
He invited me to go explore a cave with him, but it seemed dangerous so I declined. Months later he planned another caving expedition and invited me again, but again I said no. Half a year later, he planned another trip, but he insisted that I join him. He spent a great deal of time explaining the safety equipment and measures used, and I reluctantly changed my mind and agreed to go with him. I finally caved
They both decline the charges
One Prawn is called Justin, the other is called Christian. Suddenly they are approached by a magic Cod who grants them each a wish. Christian been a humble Prawn is happy with his lot in life and declines the wish. Justin however asks for the Cod to turn him into a Shark.
Weeks later Justin hates being a Shark as all the other fish are scared and swim away. Justin manages to find the magic Cod who turns him back into a prawn.
Delighted Justin now a Prawn again finds his old friend and exclaims "I found Cod, I'm a Prawn again Christian!"
I had to decline. Sadly, I donβt have the caliber to go.
Constantly being used and declined
When she declined, I told her she was missing oat.
Many years later the dad finds out one boy was adopted by a Mexican family and the other by a Muslim family.
The son from the Mexican family, Juan, reaches out to the dad as an adult and the two meet. They have a great time reconnecting and the dad finds out his other son is named Amal.
At the end of the day Juan asks his dad if he wants to meet his other son. The dad declines. Juan asks why and the dad says, βif youβve seen Juan, youβve seen Amal.β
After I grabbed a half dozen donuts, he asked if I wanted to get a full dozen and I declined, mentioning I was trying to lose weight.
He handed me a box with another half dozen and said
"You know if you hold a box in each hand, it'll be a balanced breakfast."
I declined the offer, it's just two in tents
Younger one says, βI tβs getting cold, can we light a fire?β The older one saysβnoβ The evening approaches and the young one again asks, βcan we light a fire?β But the older one declines. They stop for the night and the young Inuit asks if they can light a fire, because is getting very cold. But the older one says βnoβ again and goes to sleep. The young one sneakily lights a fire and the kayak burns down.
Moral of the story: you canβt have your kayak and heat it too.
One of the funniest school puns; science puns
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, theyβd be alloys.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
If youβre not part of the solution, youβre part of the precipitate.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, βNo, Iβm traveling light.β
Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because youβre talking nonsense!
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heβs 0K now.
I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says βI think Iβll have an H2O.β The second one says βI think Iβll have an H2O tooβ β and he died.
A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.
Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
What element is a girlβs future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your βstyle.β
Iβm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I canβt put it down.
I have a new theory on inertia but it doesnβt seem to be gaining momentum.
Why canβt atheists solve exponential equations? Because they donβt believe in higher powers.
Schrodingerβs cat walks into a bar. And doesnβt.
Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies βFor you, no chargeβ.
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: βOh, no, I think I lost an electron.β βAre you sure?β
βYe
... keep reading on reddit β‘I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla at your nearest drug and convenience store. Act now and save 1.50 off your next purchase.
I was sitting with Friends, having fun conversations, listening to nice music and having some drinks. One guy was offerted some good whisky, but declined, because, as he said, if he was gonna drink whisky he would get sick.
With a Grand Smirk on my face, I said "Oh, so you would say it is a... 'whisky' move"
After which four beautiful groans were loudly heard.
Eating at a soulfood restaurant and son ordered pigs feet (trotters) for the first time. Waitress asked him if he wanted hot sauce and vinegar. He declined and tried to eat the first one. He wasn't impressed. Waitress came back later and saw he was struggling and suggested he needed to put hot sauce and vinegar on them. He obliged.
When the waitress came back later to see if they were any better he said, "Yes. I guess I started out on the wrong foot."
As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:
- Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
- Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
- Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."
