Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
Did you hear about the workaholic cop who got handcuffed by his colleagues because he refused to take a lunch break?
My friend said, “My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”
Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
My friend refused to admit that he couldn't catch any African fish.
My wife wants me to read Pride and Prejudice, but I refused.
I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book is going to lecture me.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Why did the Jewish pilot refuse to land at the airport?
Why did one twin refuse to live with his brother?
Because he was a terrible womb-mate.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Why did the anarchist refuse to go to the urologist?
Because he refuse to be a part of anything prostate.
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.
That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.
What did the White House say when Trump left and refused to attend the inauguration?
Karen’s refuse to wear masks
I guess they are not Karen for themselves
A Harper Lee novel on trial refused to open up about their case case, but was still judged by it's cover.
Moral of the story... Don't kill animals.
Edit: remove one case
What kind of vegetable refuses to talk to you?
My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.
I always see Himalayan there.
What happens when people refuse to social distance?
When my son refused to take a nap, the police got involved!
Understandable, since he was resisting a rest!
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?
Burnadebt
(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.
If a child is refusing to go to bed
Are they resisting a rest?
My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused!
I just couldn't accept all those perms and conditions!
Those people who refuse to date foot amputees?
They are lack toes intolerant.
What do you call a police officer who refuses to get out of bed?
Did you know garbage men don't get any training?
They just pick things up as they go along.
I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids.
I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I confronted my friend Mark because he refuses to return my dictionary.
I said, “Mark, my words!”
Did you hear about the woman who refused to get her female cat spayed?
She was arrested for littering.
I refused to believe my son got fired as a road worker for theft.
But when I got home, all the signs were there
My son wants a porcupine with no quills as a pet, but I refused.
I said, “That seems pointless.”
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
The Senate majority leader refuses to acknowledge the election results.
He’s acting like a real Mitch.
Every time we asked our dad if we could have pets, he refused.
He said, “Pets are just a step backwards.”
What do you call a donkey that refuses to move?
Why did the Sushi chef refuse to serve the musician?
My daughter refused to go to bed on time.
I told her she’d be booked for resisting a rest.
The sergeant asked the private to 'stand up straight'.
The private said, "That's a tall order, sir."
Why did the LGBTQ pilot refuse to fly 747s?
He said he prefers bi-planes
Some guy just approached me and refused to leave until I solve a trigonometry problem.
I have no idea what his angle is.
Why did the drowning Pharoah refuse to ask for help?
A man brought his trike to a 4 Wheeler convention but was refused at the door for not following the dress code.
They told him that he was missing attire
Did you guys hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia during his root canal?
Apparently he wanted to transcend dental medication.
My friend said, “My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”
“A cat” I said. “Cats love fish.
The Police Showed Up When My Son Refused to Take a Nap
They charged him with resisting a rest.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
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