I heard someone played Animal Crossing: New Horizons for so long on end they conked out with the console still in their hands.

Looks like someone fell asleep at the Switch.

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👤︎ u/BlastLeatherwing
📅︎ May 05 2020
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Cooking eggs to eggspand their horizons
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👤︎ u/shit_god_no
📅︎ Oct 12 2019
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What happened when the alligator passed the event horizon?

Spagatorfication.

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👤︎ u/Socratio
📅︎ May 20 2019
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My father, on New Horizon's flyby of Pluto

"The first close up images of Pluto are in......"

http://i.imgur.com/1BkwLcu.png

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👤︎ u/Tinie_Snipah
📅︎ Jul 14 2015
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Dad Tells Time With His Hat

My dad worked in construction for most of his life, and because he worked with his hands, he sacrificed many watches. But if you don't have a watch, how are you to tell time? My dad has a great sense of humor and is always thinking of new ways to do things to make them more practical or thinking of ways to change things to make them work better for him. So after spending way too much money on a heavy duty watch that inevitably broke on him, he came up with a better solution.

He used the working part of a clock and stuck it on the inside rim of his hat, so if he wanted to know what the time was, he just had to look up. Simple. And the way his hat was, you couldn't see the clock when looking at him unless you were underneath him and looking up.

And then came the funny part. Every time he was asked what time it was, he would look up at the sun, scan the horizon, pretend to do a math equation in his head, and tell them the exact time down to the minute. I've witnessed him doing this a few times but never gave it away. The look of surprise and confusion this gave people was priceless.

My dad had done other funny things like this, but this was by far the funniest.

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👤︎ u/fredzred
📅︎ Aug 23 2020
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I’ve decided to get Animal Crossing

It crossed my mind that I need to broaden my horizons

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👤︎ u/Ayyyyysdf165
📅︎ Mar 20 2020
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I use dad jokes every chance i get...

Me: how was class?

Her: alright we talked about soil. The entire lecture was on soil. How it is made, what contributes to good soil quality. And we learned the twelve categories of soil. Couldn't have been more boring.

Me: boring? Sounds pretty down to earth to me.

Her: haha that's was ridiculous

Me: what, should of I went with a dirtier joke?

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👤︎ u/MadMojo
📅︎ Mar 31 2015
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Asteroid mining

Is on the horizon

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👤︎ u/SoDakZak
📅︎ Feb 12 2020
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I was starting to get bummed about being a pilot

But with a positive attitude, things have really taken off.

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👤︎ u/Xerotrope
📅︎ Jun 26 2018
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Rocknocker
📅︎ Jul 30 2019
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Did you miss the big black hole picture event yesterday?

Don't worry, there is another one on the horizon

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👤︎ u/thenewyorkgod
📅︎ Apr 11 2019
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Why did the artist refuse to depict landscapes?

Because portraying the horizon is where he would have to draw the line.

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👤︎ u/devnodegree
📅︎ Dec 17 2018
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I use this one every time my wife and I go to the movies. I now gift it to you.

This is my favorite stupid joke to use out at the movies. Every movie. Action, drama, comedy, whatever.

Movie ends. Credits roll. People start getting up.
I turn to my wife and say, "Wanna stick around and see if (character) joins The Avengers?"

It works with everything.
After Moana: "Wanna stick around and see if Maui joins the Avengers?"
After Baby Driver: "Wanna stick around and see if Baby joins the Avengers?"

Even works for villians. Why not?
After Deepwater Horizon: "Wanna stick around and see if the oil joins the Avengers?"

I guarantee you eyerolls aplenty. Use it in good health.

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👤︎ u/AdamHR
📅︎ Aug 18 2017
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Son got creepy, I turned it around.

Scene; Nighttime a few days back - just before bedtime - allowing my 2yr old son outside to say goodnight to the moon. Because of the time of year it was big, yellow and close to the horizon.

Son: Daddy, the moon is hungry. Me: Nah, it's Full.

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👤︎ u/SketchGoatee
📅︎ Mar 26 2016
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I know it's a little late for a Christmas pun...

There once was a Viking by the name of Rudolph the Red. One day, whilst tending to his fields, Rudolph spotted rain clouds on the horizon. He immediately dropped what he was doing and ran inside his hut to tell his wife.

"Honey, there are dark clouds on the horizon. The rains' will be here any minute" he said. She scoffed at him, "Rudolph you old fool. How could you possibly know that?" Angered by this, Rudolph turned to her and said...

"Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"

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👤︎ u/_RobertPaulson
📅︎ Feb 13 2013
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Watching bear grylls the island with dad...

sun goes down over the sea on the horizon

Dad: it's funny, you never hear it sizzle.

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👤︎ u/saab121
📅︎ May 12 2015
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My friend can only make textiles for people very far away...

He looms on the horizon.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Mar 16 2020
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2020 is 12 hours away

I see great things on the horizon!

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👤︎ u/bobo311
📅︎ Dec 31 2019
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