I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
What do rappers say when they finish recording?
My son was recording some audio for homework
Him: "Reasons that doing research underwater can be difficult include..."
Me (from my office): "the paper will get too wet!"
Him: "UGH!" stops and restarts recording
The fisherman used all funds from fish sales to buy collections of audio recordings issued as a single item on CD...
He sold his sole for rock'n'roll.
The little horse just finished a song at the recording studio. The producer says, "What else you got?"
"That's it. I'm a one track pony".
I love my career at the voice recording studio.
I don't know what it is, but the job just really speaks to me
A friend of mine quit their job recording background sounds for Hollywood films to open a spa.
I have to say that the difference in my skincare regimen is incredible, now that it's ex-foley aided!
I found some old, rare recordings of Al Gore playing music. I tried playing along with the music on drums, but I couldn’t.
I guess I’m just bad at Al Gore rhythms.
Who is the most fatigued recording artist of all time?
You can tell if a band has real soul if, when they go on tour, you can tell the difference between the real band playing and a computer recording
it's called the Touring Test
My son sent me a recording of a song he wrote. I gave him a suggestion to improve it but he didn't Iike it. He said it was "cheesy" So i said, "Maybe if you worked on your Kraft a little harder you might get a single."
Notice: Local Rap Artist Gershwin has announced that he will release his newest recordings only in the Compact Disk format, and they will be packaged in Periwinkle paper. So just look for:
Gershwin's rapped CD's in blue.
Illegally recording a cover band playing Cherry Pie:
I was listening to a recording my friend made.
"This is me."
"No, that's a piano."
I found an old vinyl record of insect sounds.
I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.
In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term
"car-pool tunnel syndrome."
I’ve being breaking a lot of records recently...
I would have broken more if they didn’t kick me out of the music store.
My town just set the record for the longest line fighting each other
You could see the punch line coming from a mile away
I have a plan for a new side-hustle. I’m gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded ‘Lola’ and ‘You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
People say I’m like a broken record...
People say I’m like a broken record...
People say I’m like a broken record...
A guy on my street holds the world record for most concussions
He only lives a stone's throw away
My record collection includes Bruce Springsteen, John Cougar Mellencamp, and Tom Petty. It’s almost a full Heartland Rock set...
Why did Led Zeppelin have record sales in China last year.
Because the government declared a rock down.
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....
It was his vinyl request.
Do you know what happens when you play a country record backwards?
Your truck comes back, your wife comes back, your dog comes back, your trailer isn’t flooded...
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
Where does Phil Collins record his music?
I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..
..but I've already got that one.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....
He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.
Scientists have recently recorded the sounds of two helium atoms laughing
Last year I recorded a video with my brother
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , “bury me with records galore”
It was his vinyl resting place
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record.
But I love their greatest hits!
I am currently one of the world record holders for the Rubik's Cube...
It has been 43 years and I still cannot solve it.
I said to my mate, "I can't stop buying Beatles records..
He said "You need help."
"I've got that one." I replied.
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said “do you have a police record, sir?” I said:
Did you hear that they just broke the Guinness Record for largest pickle?
I once held a world record
For the World’s Youngest Human Being.
Why do movie makers record laser gun sound effects in churches?
Because they go “pew pew pew”.
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
What do you call a clock made out of records?
Where did Noah keep a record of his bees?
My friend asked me to meet him at the music store in 45.
I got there in 33, which is record speed.
I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.
It's only got one track, mind.
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11".
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
The attackers killed the duke's son, knocking him from the battlements with a peasant's severed head fired from a trebuchet.
It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.
From Twitter.
Did you hear about the guy who repeated the same phrase more times than anyone else ever has?
Sounded like a broken record.
NEW NUDE WATER SKI RECORD BROKEN!!
It was broken by a 28 year old Russian
His name is Torehis Sackov
My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.
Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.
People are usually shocked that I have a police record.
But I love their Greatest hits !
Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.
"I'm addicted to buying old Beatles records."
"Sounds like you need help."
"No, I already have that one."
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