My Doctor wrote a recommendation for dailysex

But my wife insists that he wrote Dyslexia

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
If you ask your bartender for a recommendation...

...does that make them your Spirit Guide?

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaleoGamer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Any recommendations on a bug spray?

Send me the DEETs

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riz_lemon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.

I handed her the dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 472
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad's pick-up line recommendation

So I'm having lunch with the family, and a girl walks in with a Google t shirt.

My dad leans in to me and whispers, "You should go ask that girl if she's 'searching' for you..."

Edit: told my dad about the turnout of this post during dinner and he told me he'd turn my Moto X phone into a Moto Ex phone if I kept using it during family meals. Looks like the fun never ends...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkymonkeyman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2014
🚨︎ report
I proposed in a brewery at the jeweler’s recommendation.

She said you can’t go wrong with DeBeers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the dad say when his son disregarded his recommendation on formal wear?

Alright, suit yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alydm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
New book recommendations from Dad!

Brown Spots on the Wall by Woo Flung Poo

Yellow River by I. P. Nightly

Under The Bleachers by Seymour Bawtz

40 Yards to the Outhouse written by Will E. Mayket, illustrated by Betty Whont

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebemily
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2013
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad for a book recommendation...

Dad: "Rusty Bed Springs, by I.P. Knightly"

.... Thanks dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHomeSkool3r
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad asked for bar recommendations

My dad is visiting the city I live next week and asked me for some recommendations. I said there is one bar that I really like that is very dimly lit and has stone walls, so I recommended it but said in a lack of being able to think of a better adjective, that it was kinda "cellar-y". He said thanks, but he prefers his bar experiences to be more carroty.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheese_incarnate
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
🚨︎ report
One out of ten dentists recommends...

... that you brush your teeth with straight, undiluted corn syrup.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
So I ask for something easy at a restaurant, and the server recommends β€œwell the chicken strips for 6$”

β€œMaybe it will but it doesn’t help with my hunger”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmemrjackass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Suddenly YouTube is recommending me nothing but climate change videos

Praise the YouTube Al-Gore-Rythym

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazloDaLlama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Can someone recommend a better way of de-icing my windshield?

I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pcwehner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
As a circumcised man, I would highly recommend to not circumcise your son.

I was circumcised just after I was born, and I couldn’t walk for about a year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tutmencrut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow but I recommend avoiding it for the time being,

People will be lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 982
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins

It’s the weight and c approach I guess

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seatheous
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone recommend a good dermatologist?
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theswarthyknight
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife: I just got this new pair of glasses. How do I look?

Me: As always, I recommend using your eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My dentist is recommending I have my canines shaved down

But I just don't see the point

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Padre_Pizzicato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a friend who will even go for a walk with you in the rain to listen to your worries?

A rainbro

(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasmyn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Grow your own
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Wood recommend
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dwihgt
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My financial advisor wants me to do the whole investor thing.

I bought the vest, any recommendations on a good tour I can take? So I can do my In Vest Tour

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stampeed13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My YouTube keeps recommending videos of politicians dancing

Must be the Al gore rhythm.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.

Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't recommend you to watch this video. It barely helped me.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peDr0bt0309
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to recommend these chips but they taste like ass.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avataraustin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.

People will be lined up for blocks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasbett311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor to the patient:

- Can you hear better with the hearing aid that I recommended?

- Yes, I can. Thank you very much, doctor. I've already re-written my Will 3 times.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FullMoon-Horror
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What time do dentists recommend as the best time to schedule an appointment?

2:30

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiddenPictures
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Sound is recommended v.redd.it/8x7ca4g747c41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dries125
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Q: what kind of humor is the CDC recommending during the Coronavirus outbreak?

A: inside jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron_in_sf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer...

Don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_rafikki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't realize my phone came with noface detection
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Llamalords101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: I’m trying to cut a piece of wood, but it won’t stay in place.

Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my company’s logo on it.

Wife: I don’t need your advise!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ugueth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My son’s back is developing a hunch from sitting too much in front of the pc, so our doctor recommended that he wear an othopedic corset.

I call it the heir straightener.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ampdrool
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If you have a threesome

You have the recommended six feet between you.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
This is why I wood recommend Twitter
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JGesick
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...

Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out "60 Watts - Made in China".

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2016
🚨︎ report
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My imterviewer asked me why I put A, C, D, E, I, M, N, O, R, and T on my application.

I told him they were the letters of recommendation.

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargedMedal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I recommend you try cooking mushrooms, they're really hard to mess up

There isn't mushroom for error

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColonelWepler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor recommended I sleep on a stack of old magazines.

I have back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Oof
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I stopped drinking Coke

Dr. Pepper highly recommended that i should stop

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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