But my wife insists that he wrote Dyslexia
...does that make them your Spirit Guide?
Send me the DEETs
I handed her the dictionary.
So I'm having lunch with the family, and a girl walks in with a Google t shirt.
My dad leans in to me and whispers, "You should go ask that girl if she's 'searching' for you..."
Edit: told my dad about the turnout of this post during dinner and he told me he'd turn my Moto X phone into a Moto Ex phone if I kept using it during family meals. Looks like the fun never ends...
She said you can’t go wrong with DeBeers.
Alright, suit yourself.
Brown Spots on the Wall by Woo Flung Poo
Yellow River by I. P. Nightly
Under The Bleachers by Seymour Bawtz
40 Yards to the Outhouse written by Will E. Mayket, illustrated by Betty Whont
Dad: "Rusty Bed Springs, by I.P. Knightly"
.... Thanks dad.
My dad is visiting the city I live next week and asked me for some recommendations. I said there is one bar that I really like that is very dimly lit and has stone walls, so I recommended it but said in a lack of being able to think of a better adjective, that it was kinda "cellar-y". He said thanks, but he prefers his bar experiences to be more carroty.
... that you brush your teeth with straight, undiluted corn syrup.
“Maybe it will but it doesn’t help with my hunger”
Praise the YouTube Al-Gore-Rythym
I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.
A little bit of Background information: When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner. Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion! He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really. However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business. The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this! My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.
Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago. I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency. Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.
After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his. At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed. He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement, his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these. I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.
So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there. Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job! Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month! At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life. You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you" I never realized how freeing it
... keep reading on reddit ➡I was circumcised just after I was born, and I couldn’t walk for about a year.
People will be lined up for blocks.
It’s the weight and c approach I guess
Me: As always, I recommend using your eyes.
But I just don't see the point
A rainbro
(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)
I bought the vest, any recommendations on a good tour I can take? So I can do my In Vest Tour
Must be the Al gore rhythm.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
People will be lined up for blocks.
- Can you hear better with the hearing aid that I recommended?
- Yes, I can. Thank you very much, doctor. I've already re-written my Will 3 times.
2:30
A: inside jokes.
Don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day
Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my company’s logo on it.
Wife: I don’t need your advise!
I call it the heir straightener.
You have the recommended six feet between you.
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out "60 Watts - Made in China".
I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.
Let's see what you can do!
What you need to know about the game:
- You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
- Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
- You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.
That's basically it.
I told him they were the letters of recommendation.
There isn't mushroom for error
I have back issues.
