I asked my Russian friend if he preferred quilting?

He said, knit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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My Wife said she drew her friend a quilting pattern she asked for...

But I told her winners never quilt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunnrhildr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2015
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Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noobinoa
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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What did the teeny tiny blanket have over the large quilt?

It was Microsoft.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodHippo9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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My wife showed me two quilts and asked me which one I preferred.

I said, β€œI refuse to make blanket statements.”

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets..

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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I suspect my friend has an unhealthy addiction to knitting quilts.

I have seen all the patterns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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I love the latest album by The Quilts.

They’re my favorite cover band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!

I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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it's pwoven
πŸ‘︎ 749
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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How did the kidnapper guarantee that the tailor would make him a quilt?

He thread-end them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aperio43
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Im upset about this quilt set I bought.

I thought it came with a pillow case, but it was a sham.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Comanch3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Her: What do you think of the quilt my mom made for us?

Me: I refuse to make blanket statements.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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My wife said making a quilt together will bring us good luck

I said it's gonna take some super stitchin'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegodawfultruth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Wife asked if I wanted to go see a quilt museum...

I said no I hear it’s full of squares

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainYunk
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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A quilt seriously injured himself playing rugby...

...sew he went to the hospital. Since his life was hanging by a thread, the doctors decided that they'd use a blanket method to help him out: stitches. Warms my heart to say that he's all patched up now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/refusalskills
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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What kind of toilet paper does a porcupine prefer?

Quilted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ_Degen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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What is a porcupines favorite hobby?

Quilting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/axionj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Not manu people know this, but...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reinierblob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Dad : Son, winter is coming so to keep yourself warm you must wear...

a sweater, cause it will keep yor body sweatier.

Me : (ΰ² _ΰ² )

Dad : Ok, I know this joke socks so I will quilt. You better blanket from your brain.

Me : (ΰ² _ΰ²₯)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kones_6999
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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what did the blanket say when it fell of the bed

oh sheet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robowarriorgaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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My dorm room has no heat

My mom was worried. She told me to make sure I have plenty of blankets on my bed.

I told her I had it covered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piclemaniscool
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
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My 3yo Daughter came up to me saying her dolly was cold so I tore her off a piece of paper towel. She then said daddy this is a napkin.

I assure her it was quilted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRussianbishop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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I'd like to start with a blanket statement.

I love quilts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mesum
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2017
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Can anyone give me an example of a "soft tissue"?

A few years ago, I was in Radiography School with the Army. During our Basic Medical Orientation class, our instructer asked my class to give an example of a soft tissue.

I replied, "I can name two; Charmin and Puffs!"

I spent the remainder of class in the "Front Leaning Rest" position. Well worth it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikefwt210
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
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My wife showed me two quilts, and asked me which one I preferred.

I said, β€œI refuse to make blanket statements.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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My wife says quilts are better than duvets.

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.

I said, β€œI refuse to make blanket statements.”

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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My wife showed me her mom’s quilts, and asked me which one I preferred.

I said, β€œI refuse to make blanket statements.”

πŸ‘︎ 650
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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My wife said that duvet is better than all quilts.

I told her to quit making blanket statements like that.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnGrifRBGH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My wife asked me which one of her mother’s quilts I preferred.

I said, β€œI refuse to make blanket statements.”

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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My wife showed me two quilts and asked me which one I preferred.

Me: I refuse to make blanket statements.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Her: Which of these two quilts do you prefer?

Me: I refuse to make blanket statements.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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All quilts are the same

That was a blanket statement.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeredws
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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