I lost the tips of my feet in an accident, and later when I told my friend what happened he suddenly punched me.
Turns out he’s lack-toes intolerant
Was making a bunch of math puns and was threatened to get punched so sent this
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
one of jokers henchmen got punched my batman
His face was in a goony for a while
What did the grape say when he got punched?
Nothing, but he gave a little wine.
I punched Santa in the face
He called my daughter a "ho". 3 times!!!
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
Someone punched the blunt I was smoking.
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
I lost my watch at a party once, turns out there was a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. I went over to him a punched him, saying, “No one does that to a woman...
Today I learned my son hates r/DadJokes. He's been spat on, punched, and verbally abused for his own opinion...
I don't even want to imagine what'll happen when he leaves the house.
I let my son wear a Liverpool jersey today. So far he’s been kicked, punched and spit at...
...it’ll be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
I got punched by a bunch of guys when I was visiting Prague.
They said they were doing a vibe czech
One time I got in a fight with a guy named Lance. He had a twin brother named Lee. I punched Lance in the face, not realizing it was his brother who I had punched.
I said "I thought you were Lance, I apologize sinceyourelee".
I saw a guy pouring soy sauce on another guy laying on the ground, so I punched him
It's not right to Kikkoman when he's down
I answered the door this morning. A 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a fat old man...
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
What did Little Caesar say right before he was punched?
My friend Il was eating my Doritos so I punched him in the face
Accidentally punched myself (true story) and now I have a black eye (also true story). People say "That must've been one heck of a fight."
"Oh yeah. You should see the other guy!"
Two peanuts were walking down the road when one got punched in the face
I punched a hipster in the mouth yesterday. He said, “Dude, that isn’t cool!”
Yesterday I walked down the street and punched a white guy, so I got changed with assault. Today I walked down the street and punched a black guy...
...I got charged with apepper
My friend told me a story about how he punched my neighbor in the face
It hit really close to home
What did the dad feel when the artist punched him?
Hey dad, remember when Adam tried to punch me and accidentally punched the window out?
Dad- "Yeah, that was a pane to fix."
I punched a guy who tried to rob me as I got on the bus.
I punched my monitor and it broke.
Mum punched in the abs
Me: Ha you have no effect against my abs of steel!
Mum: your abs of still to get?
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand new Rolex."
I Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl....
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