Historians have proved that people from every zodiac sign survived the Sinking of the Titanic
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︎ Aug 25 2020
My dad proved his dadness.
Me: "Why is this mustard green?"
Dad: "It's got dill in it."
Me: "Weird. Any good?"
Dad: "Yeah, it's dill-icious."
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︎ Dec 21 2014
My fire chief proved he was a dad when I bought a Jeep Compass
"I like your new Jeep, but it's broken." I look at him confused. "It's in the parking lot pointing west. Shouldn't Compasses always point north?"
π︎ 474
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︎ Mar 26 2016
My dad proved his worth the other night
We were watching the Monday Night football game between the Eagles and the Bears, and we were discussing Carson Wentz, the Eagles new quarterback.
Me: "Where did he play in college again?"
Dad: "From Wentz he came? North Dakota State"
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︎ Sep 23 2016
Boyfriend proved he's dad material with this one
ME: Let me just use the bathroom before I hit the road
BF: Don't hit the road, what did it ever do to you?
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︎ Jan 07 2014
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?
π︎ 149
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︎ Dec 20 2020
To prove he was right, the "flat earther" walked to the end of the Earth
He eventually came around
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Biracial people prove that not everything is black and white.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 13 2020
A man drew a line in the middle of himself to prove a point...
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 01 2020
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying heβd walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
Heβll come around, eventually.
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︎ May 17 2020
I have killed so many vampires, but Dracula is proving hard fo catch
Finding where he is will enable the final count down
π︎ 20
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︎ Nov 04 2020
My flat-earther friend was determined to walk to the edge of the world to prove it's flat.
in the end, he came around.
π︎ 29
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︎ Aug 21 2020
Prove me wrong:
Nothing starts with "n" and ends with "g".
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Harvard University just ran a study proving 74% of the countries have flawed dams and it was dismissed
because it didnt hold water
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︎ Sep 11 2020
An insect once asked R.Kelly if he could prove he was innocent
He said βI believe i can, flyβ
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Me: See? To prove I'm not a boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
π︎ 679
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︎ Jan 13 2020
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.
But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Google sheets
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jul 10 2020
I get it, you hated him 4 years ago ...
... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Whatβs the coolest disease or condition one can die from?
Hypothermia! Itβs the coolest way to go.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Kids, I'm telling you, burgers are ALWAYS female, and I'll prove it to you
let me introduce you to my burger... *drumroll*
Meet patty
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 21 2020
A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Will glass coffins prove popular?
π︎ 194
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︎ Sep 12 2019
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 14 2020
Schrodingerβs Cat has committed unforgivable crimes.
He is wanted dead and alive.
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 07 2020
What do Russian Olympic medal winners prove to the world?
That there was Russian medaling.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 27 2019
Two strips of tarmac are arguing about who is the toughest. They have in idea to fight the shady looking guy in the corner to prove how tough they are. The barman stops them.
I wouldn't mess with him lads. He's a cycle path.
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︎ Sep 23 2019
If you have to have sideburns to prove your masculinity
...then you need to grow a pair.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 11 2019
Why canβt mediums prove that they can speak to the dead?
Itβs not an exact seanceβitβs more of a pseudoseance.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 31 2019
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken!
Happy turkey day everyone.
π︎ 26
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︎ Oct 12 2020
The only thing I learned in high school was how to multiply...
and I have eleven kids to prove it.
π︎ 17
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︎ Sep 08 2020
I told my friend I needed an insect to prove my innocence in court...
He told me to use an Aphid David.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 18 2019
π︎ 18
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︎ Dec 10 2018
There once was a farm, famed for the high quality of product from the award winning cows, many spoke of it in hushed, respectful tones, but none could say where it was, and many claimed, but none could prove that they had been there.
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 04 2019
A pyrotechnic wanted to prove himself.
He is going to go through a trial by fire.
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 27 2019
I shot my first turkey today...
Scared the heck out of everyone else in the frozen food section.
π︎ 59
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︎ Apr 24 2020
I'd break my neck to prove I'm not masochistic.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 31 2018
What do you do to prove that you have cut off an enemy's foot it battle
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 20 2018
A man drew a line on himself to prove a point
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Dad: See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad, I got a tattoo
Mom: Oh cool! It's... uh?
Dad: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Mom: Well, uh, the line work is certainly...
Dad: Don't touch the thermos tat
π︎ 24
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︎ Jan 15 2020
I just realized nothing starts with "n" and ends with "g"
π︎ 359
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︎ Jun 23 2020
Dad: See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad, I got a tattoo.
Wife: Oh cool! It's... uh?
Dad: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Wife: Well, uh, the line work is certainly...
Dad: Don't touch the thermos tat!
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 14 2020
My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat.
In the end, he came around.
(originally r/jokes)
π︎ 23
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︎ Oct 26 2019
My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat.
In the end, he came around.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 27 2019
You know, my flat-earther friend tried to walk to the end of the world to prove its flat.
In the end, he came around.
π︎ 170
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︎ Aug 20 2018
I have a flat earther friend who wanted to prove the earth as flat
I have a flat earther friend who wanted to prove that the world was flat by going to the edge. In the end, he came around.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 18 2019
My flat-Earther friend decided to walk to the edge of the world to prove its flat.
In the end, he came around.
π︎ 50
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︎ Aug 23 2018
My flat-earther friend started walking to the edge of the earth to prove that the earth is flat.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 04 2019
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