I have a chicken proof lawn
My daughter wanted to help me make some bread, so she offered to "proof" the dough for me.
"Really?"
"Sure," she said.
"It's the yeast I can do."
Whattdya call a bullet proof Irishman ??????
I have just laid a chicken proof lawn.
No one thought I'd ever be good at math proofs
When we came home from the hospital with our newborn son, my wife asked if the house was baby proof.
I told her I thought the baby was the proof himself.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
I recently dropped and broke a 'shatter-proof' ruler
My disappointment is immeasurable
I designed a crash proof jet plane, its made completely out of rubber.
DadJokes are proof that comedy skips a generation.
http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8
This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.
Why is The Terminator bullet proof?
Because he’s Armored Schwarzenegger
What section of the police is obsessed with gaining proof of age?
Mathematical proof that it pays to be dumb
power = work / time
but...
knowledge = power
and
time = money
so, substituting...
knowledge = work / money
solving for money...
money = work / knowledge
The less you know, the more money you make, regardless of how much work you do.
The person who proof-read Adolf Hitler’s speeches was a grammar nazi.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
I was buying my groceries in Prague when the manager approached me asking for my proof of citizenship
Being a US national, I wasn’t allowed to use the self Czech out.
Proof that spring is close..
Did I tell you about my new chicken-proof lawn?
It's absolutely impeckable
There’s proof that Jesus isn’t real.
Because if he were real, it wouldn’t be called crucifixion.
It would be called crucifact.
Proof Big Papi was on the juice.
http://i.imgur.com/M357w6o.jpg
My grass looks so good its chicken proof!
Parents who let children misbehave in public are proof that little turds come from big assholes.
When I found out my toaster wasn’t water proof
2 archaeologist are looking for proof of prehistoric man
After a few hours of digging, one of the archaeologist bursts out laughing, the other one asks, "what's so funny?" The archaeologist stops laughing holds up an arm and says "well, I found this humerus"
Proof of Ireland’s influence on Tolkien.... The Cliffs of Moher Door
I have proof that amazon is in fact run by dads...
http://i.imgur.com/g46ulSE.png
What do you get when you build an ant farm with sound proof glass?
Pheromones are proof of the power of positive stinking.
My lovely tree is woodpecker-proof
I just bought a chicken proof lawn...
What do you call a bullet proof irishman?
Chicken proof
I have a chicken proof law its impeccable
What do you call a bullet-proof Irishman?
I have a chicken proof lawn
I have a chicken proof lawn…
I have a chicken proof lawn
I have a chicken proof lawn
I have a chicken proof lawn
What do you call a bullet proof Irishmen?
Just found out my toaster wasn’t water proof
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