Finding where he is will enable the final count down
because it didnt hold water
My son and I got a pizza tonight, and as we were leaving my son saw a can of orange sunkist that had been run over by a car tire and said "hey dad look at this Sunkist!" And I replied "looks more like a crush to me!"
Me, my girlfriend, and my dad were chatting before eating dinner. My younger sister walks in and starts to boil water to make tea, and joins the conversation. A few minutes pass, and my sister pours the water into her mug and puts in a a tea bag.
-Dad: What kind of tea is that?
-Sister: It's chamomile.
-Me: How are you supposed to see your dinner?
Heβll come around eventually.
Through science.
Her: oh, cool! What is it?
Me: Its my thermos, from work!
Her: Oh, well um, the line work is really...
Me: Don't touch the thermos-tat!
He eventually came around
He was half right
Except Leo
in the end, he came around.
Nothing starts with "n" and ends with "g".
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
He said βI believe i can, flyβ
... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.
Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.
He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.
His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.
Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.
This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.
The moral of this story?
Don't judge a brook by it's clover.
But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
let me introduce you to my burger... *drumroll*
Meet patty
I just proved them wrong
Remains to be seen.
A: Maybe it's feeling a bit low...
(Got me a screenshot of my epic slayage to prove it too! https://i.imgur.com/FPCvglr.png )
A game warden caught a man fishing without a licence "You're going to have to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket," said the warden.
"But officer," the fisherman replied, "I didn't catch these - they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done, they jump back in the bucket."
"Oh, really? This i've got to see. If you can prove it, i'll let you go without a fine."
The fisherman emptied the bucket into the lake and waited patiently. A few minutes went by and nothing happened.
"So where are the fish?" asked the warden.
"What fish?"
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
That there was Russian medaling.
He is wanted dead and alive.
...then you need to grow a pair.
Hypothermia! Itβs the coolest way to go.
He told me to use an Aphid David.
It was legendairy.
A headache
He is going to go through a trial by fire.
Her: Yes
Me: I knew it!
Me: "Why is this mustard green?"
Dad: "It's got dill in it."
Me: "Weird. Any good?"
Dad: "Yeah, it's dill-icious."
He'll come around eventually
Heβll come around, eventually.
He was half right
Mom: Oh cool! It's... uh?
Dad: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Mom: Well, uh, the line work is certainly...
Dad: Don't touch the thermos tat
Go ahead, prove me wrong
Wife: Oh cool! It's... uh?
Dad: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!
Wife: Well, uh, the line work is certainly...
Dad: Don't touch the thermos tat!
In the end, he came around.
(originally r/jokes)
In the end, he came around.
In the end, he came around.
I have a flat earther friend who wanted to prove that the world was flat by going to the edge. In the end, he came around.
In the end, he came around.
He finally came around.
