I received an email today from the owner of a German sausage processing plant, he said I could have it for only 1000€

I agreed and wired him the money. What’s the wurst that could happen?

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the peanut tell its family before it went to the processing factory?

I’ll be back in a Jif!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacos-ego
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
If the process of decaffeinating coffee beans means being doused in formaldehyde...

Does that make them Coffinated?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?

Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Before Pterodactyls evolved, dinosaurs could only process information in Pgigadactyls

...I said Pgigadactyls.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOldGods37
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.

I call it β€œBest bets for vetting vets for vets”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
WARNING: There is an email going around offering processed pork, Gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email DO NOT OPEN

It’s spam

πŸ‘︎ 168
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm in the process of adjusting the clocks in my house

Now all my rooms but the kitchen sync.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunMathematician1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.

Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Thought process for this one was particularly long winded
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrum7000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Currently in the process of uniting a kingdom
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AyalaST
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Pppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooococccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeee

It's a never ending process.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
I created a Linux background process for the Message Analysis Test Tool.

I call it the MATT DAEMON!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunOverdose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I read a very interesting ancient Egyptian blog post describing the embalming process

It was on Tombler.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Need Hella Puns

https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1

Who thinks they're punny?! πŸ˜œβ €β €I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.β €

I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love πŸ”₯

I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashtrobertson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:

He was missing a key element the whole time

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I joined to pieces of metal today without nuts and bolts or welding

The whole process was riveting

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitalily
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.

Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_wanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me, β€œAre you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?”

I said, β€œActually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t stand people who say data we all know it’s pronounced...

Data

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Since impeachment is an entirely political process...

Will public opinion sufficiently Schifft through these proceedings??

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phluper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
To save his business, my butcher is trying an experimental process where he gives his cows magic mushrooms before slaughtering them.

Let's just say...the steaks are high.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/benchwrmr22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was discouraged that they couldn't come up with dad jokes. I told them anyone can make dad jokes, you just have to stretch out the thought process a little father.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Walking up stairs is a multi-step process
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1111Steve1111
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't always take phone calls from shady processed meat salesman.

When I do its usually a Spam Risk.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Learning to walk is a multi-step process
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gonzalk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If anyone could just reverse the process of making wine, that would be grape.
πŸ‘︎ 767
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maax42_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Frequent nap taking slows the aging process.

Especially if you take them when you are driving.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/millre01
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
"How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process"

Step 1: take off your glasses

Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GalaHunterX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I've discovered the exact process by which a woman becomes a thot, but I'm having issues explaining it.

No one can follow my thot process.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me about the process of colonoscopy.

Me: forget it...its a pain in the ass.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldomccoy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Herbal essentials

Noted researcher Rosemary Fuller was involved in a lab accident today. She's working on the theory that herb-based formulas can actually reverse or accelerate the aging process. Parsley, for example, has been shown to cause rapid aging, and recent efforts have shown good results with oregano-based anti-aging serums. Ms Fuller was, unfortunately, standing near a vat of simmering oregano serum when a nearby researcher nudged her and she fell in! It appeared at first that the anti-aging serum would cause her to de-age down to nothing. Now, though, it looks like she'll be all right. The Parsley's aged Rosemary in time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berenaltorin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Losing weight is a piece of cake

See, it's a simple process... just don't pick it up!

Happy cake day to anyone who shares the same as mine!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bugtrial
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
French zombies are impervious to wooden stakes. You have to stab them with baguettes...

... which is a pain staking process.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I just finished a great documentary about the process by which metal sheets are fastened together with steel bolts.

It was riveting.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_iraq_such_as
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy signs up for the army and goes to get his equipment after he’s been processed.

When he gets to the place where he’s supposed to pick up his rifle the man tells him thatΒ he just ran out. β€œIf you need to shoot just say β€˜BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!'” he says. Bummed out and little confused, the guy moves on to the next areaΒ where he’s supposed to pick up the bayonet. But the next man is out too. β€œIf you need to stab someone justΒ go, β€˜STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!'” he says. Dejected and wondering what the heck he signed up for, the guy jumps into the next truck on its wayΒ to the front where there’s a battle raging on.

Side by side with the rest of the soldiers in his unit, the guy advances on the enemy position. As soon as he sees the enemy, he shouts, β€œBANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!!” Amazingly, the enemy soldierΒ drops to the ground. Encouraged by his success he charges the next two enemy soldiers and goes, β€œSTICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” They both immediately collapse in front of him. This is incredible, he thinks, I’ve become unstoppable.

So when he sees his next foeΒ way off in the distance, he shouts,Β β€œBANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!” at him. He waits for him to fall, but nothing happens. The guy charges his unfazedΒ adversaryΒ nextΒ and goes β€œSTICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” Again he thinks the man will fall and again nothingΒ happens. β€œWhy wont you drop?” the guy says. The enemy soldier knocks him down andΒ responds, β€œTANKITY TANK TANKITY TANK!”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lavidius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a cucumber become a pickle?

It goes through a jarring process!

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rheallygirl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Can someone help me with a joke?

I think I have something here, just need a little help with the ending. This is what I have so far.

In the interrogation room, Joe Ga pleaded with police to let him go. He explained the man they are really after is Joe Ka, who has been systematically committing crimes and calling out his own name in the process knowing how similar they sound.

"This is all just a setup, the real Joe Ka is..."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know the god who is in charge of the aging process of humans?

He is called as the MANAGER.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Jokster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the process by which cells do not replicate

Fooleosis

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LoedTachanka21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.

The process is a little painstaking.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If someone could just reverse the process of making wine...

That would be grape.

πŸ‘︎ 155
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
There's an email going around offering free processed pork gelatin and salt in a can, if you get this email, do not open it!

It's spam.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/green_tito
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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