I received an email today from the owner of a German sausage processing plant, he said I could have it for only 1000€

I agreed and wired him the money. What’s the wurst that could happen?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the peanut tell its family before it went to the processing factory?

I’ll be back in a Jif!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pacos-ego
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2018
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If the process of decaffeinating coffee beans means being doused in formaldehyde...

Does that make them Coffinated?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2021
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Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?

Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
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Before Pterodactyls evolved, dinosaurs could only process information in Pgigadactyls

...I said Pgigadactyls.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheOldGods37
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2020
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I’ve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.

I call it β€œBest bets for vetting vets for vets”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2020
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WARNING: There is an email going around offering processed pork, Gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email DO NOT OPEN

It’s spam

πŸ‘οΈŽ 168
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rider_of_the_storm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2020
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I'm in the process of adjusting the clocks in my house

Now all my rooms but the kitchen sync.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FunMathematician1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2020
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To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.

Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
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Thought process for this one was particularly long winded
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jrum7000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2019
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Currently in the process of uniting a kingdom
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AyalaST
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2020
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Pppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooococccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeee

It's a never ending process.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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I created a Linux background process for the Message Analysis Test Tool.

I call it the MATT DAEMON!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LunOverdose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 16 2020
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I read a very interesting ancient Egyptian blog post describing the embalming process

It was on Tombler.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2020
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Need Hella Puns

https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1

Who thinks they're punny?! πŸ˜œβ €β €I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.β €

I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love πŸ”₯

I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ashtrobertson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2021
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The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:

He was missing a key element the whole time

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2020
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I joined to pieces of metal today without nuts and bolts or welding

The whole process was riveting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mitalily
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2021
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Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.

Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/b_wanker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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My wife asked me, β€œAre you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?”

I said, β€œActually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2020
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I can’t stand people who say data we all know it’s pronounced...

Data

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2020
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Since impeachment is an entirely political process...

Will public opinion sufficiently Schifft through these proceedings??

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phluper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2019
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*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2020
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To save his business, my butcher is trying an experimental process where he gives his cows magic mushrooms before slaughtering them.

Let's just say...the steaks are high.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/benchwrmr22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2019
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A friend of mine was discouraged that they couldn't come up with dad jokes. I told them anyone can make dad jokes, you just have to stretch out the thought process a little father.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yeezuswasaninsidejob
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2019
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Walking up stairs is a multi-step process
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1111Steve1111
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28 2019
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I don't always take phone calls from shady processed meat salesman.

When I do its usually a Spam Risk.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2019
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Learning to walk is a multi-step process
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gonzalk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If anyone could just reverse the process of making wine, that would be grape.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 767
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Maax42_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2018
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Frequent nap taking slows the aging process.

Especially if you take them when you are driving.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/millre01
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2019
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"How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process"

Step 1: take off your glasses

Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GalaHunterX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2019
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I've discovered the exact process by which a woman becomes a thot, but I'm having issues explaining it.

No one can follow my thot process.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MightyOtaku
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2018
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My friend asked me about the process of colonoscopy.

Me: forget it...its a pain in the ass.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Baldomccoy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2019
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Herbal essentials

Noted researcher Rosemary Fuller was involved in a lab accident today. She's working on the theory that herb-based formulas can actually reverse or accelerate the aging process. Parsley, for example, has been shown to cause rapid aging, and recent efforts have shown good results with oregano-based anti-aging serums. Ms Fuller was, unfortunately, standing near a vat of simmering oregano serum when a nearby researcher nudged her and she fell in! It appeared at first that the anti-aging serum would cause her to de-age down to nothing. Now, though, it looks like she'll be all right. The Parsley's aged Rosemary in time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/berenaltorin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2020
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Losing weight is a piece of cake

See, it's a simple process... just don't pick it up!

Happy cake day to anyone who shares the same as mine!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bugtrial
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
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French zombies are impervious to wooden stakes. You have to stab them with baguettes...

... which is a pain staking process.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2020
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I just finished a great documentary about the process by which metal sheets are fastened together with steel bolts.

It was riveting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_iraq_such_as
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2019
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A guy signs up for the army and goes to get his equipment after he’s been processed.

When he gets to the place where he’s supposed to pick up his rifle the man tells him that he just ran out. β€œIf you need to shoot just say β€˜BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!'” he says. Bummed out and little confused, the guy moves on to the next area where he’s supposed to pick up the bayonet. But the next man is out too. β€œIf you need to stab someone just go, β€˜STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!'” he says. Dejected and wondering what the heck he signed up for, the guy jumps into the next truck on its way to the front where there’s a battle raging on.

Side by side with the rest of the soldiers in his unit, the guy advances on the enemy position. As soon as he sees the enemy, he shouts, β€œBANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!!” Amazingly, the enemy soldier drops to the ground. Encouraged by his success he charges the next two enemy soldiers and goes, β€œSTICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” They both immediately collapse in front of him. This is incredible, he thinks, I’ve become unstoppable.

So when he sees his next foe way off in the distance, he shouts, β€œBANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!” at him. He waits for him to fall, but nothing happens. The guy charges his unfazed adversary next and goes β€œSTICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” Again he thinks the man will fall and again nothing happens. β€œWhy wont you drop?” the guy says. The enemy soldier knocks him down and responds, β€œTANKITY TANK TANKITY TANK!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lavidius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a cucumber become a pickle?

It goes through a jarring process!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rheallygirl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
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Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2019
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Can someone help me with a joke?

I think I have something here, just need a little help with the ending. This is what I have so far.

In the interrogation room, Joe Ga pleaded with police to let him go. He explained the man they are really after is Joe Ka, who has been systematically committing crimes and calling out his own name in the process knowing how similar they sound.

"This is all just a setup, the real Joe Ka is..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VeryOriginalName98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2020
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Do you know the god who is in charge of the aging process of humans?

He is called as the MANAGER.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Jokster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2018
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What is the process by which cells do not replicate

Fooleosis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LoedTachanka21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2019
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The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.

The process is a little painstaking.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 89
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If someone could just reverse the process of making wine...

That would be grape.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 155
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TimWasTakenWasTaken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 31 2018
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There's an email going around offering free processed pork gelatin and salt in a can, if you get this email, do not open it!

It's spam.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/green_tito
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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