Yesterday a lady was wondering what type of cheese she should put on her sub so I recommended the Swiss cheese because, as I put it, "The Swiss cheese is always really neutral".
The worst part is she didn't even laugh.
(Background: at this point in time my family had chickens on the property and my husband liked them.)
Husband: *playing with chickens*
Me: Honey, how many times do I have to tell you to not play with your food? *smiles sheepishly*
Husband: (hubby.exe processing) we are so getting married.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
A few friends and I were talking about our food preferences. One friend says, "White rice isn't that good for you, since most of the nutrients and fiber are taken away during the bleaching and processing. Brown rice is a lot better for you." Then my other friend replies, "You know what they call people like you in Australia? Ricest."
Wife: That's something I really want, a food processor!
Me: No. We already agreed to eat healthy in the new year.
Wife: What are you talking about? You can make some really healthy foods in a food processor.
Me: I refuse to continue to eat processed food.