TIL that AL Gore created a problem-solving program that did complex calculations once every half-second.

It was an AL Gore rhythm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frexyincdude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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Why do germans sometimes drown when solving problems?

Zey are sinking.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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This guy just approached me and won’t leave me alone until I solve a trigonometry problem.

I don’t know what his angle is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Espresso may not solve all your problems

But it’s worth a shot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qwolf69420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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The national coin shortage is a problem that we can solve if we all...

Be the change that we wanna see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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You should always try and solve your problems while standing...

Cause it helps you think on your feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ms_Alykinz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Yesterday I saw a book called "How to solve 50% of your problems."

So I bought two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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I have a degree in musical theatre. I may not be able to solve a complex math problem but..

I can solve a problem like Maria.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem.

He worked it out with a pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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What did the mathematician say to the other mathematician who helped him solve a problem?

Sin(Q)/Cos(Q)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retro_Code
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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What city has a college to solve any problem?

Cupertino has De Anza

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Draykonslayer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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Is there any problem you can't solve with vodka?

Besides an Alcohol addiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n-wordpass-DENIED
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Do you know about the herbalist who constantly has difficult problems to solve?

I think she was called Dill Emma

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foxiv
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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Yesterday I saw a book 'How to solve 50% of your problems'

So I bought 2 copies.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sagarkaniche
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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so i was trying to solve a confusing subtraction problem

but nothing seemed to add up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gassug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Who do celebrities go to when they can't solve a problem?

Anne Hathaway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BarryJertheim
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2015
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The mathematician finally solved the Unsolvable Subtraction Problem theorem. All the other mathematicians could carry on with their work because of it.

He really made a difference.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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I can always count on my abacus to solve my problems
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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Why should you always trust chemists to solve your problems?

Because they have the solution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anthony81212
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2013
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I showed up over dressed to a family member's party and my aunt spilled sweet tea all over my dress shirt. She solved my clothing problem

Aunt Jay: I'm so sorry I ruined your nice shirt!

Me: You didn't ruin it, you turned it into a tea-shirt for me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeroHurtya
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2014
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Thought this subreddit would enjoy this
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T1_L
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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Why was the math book so depressed?

It had so many problems.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuahDib74
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always seemed to be made about the two. 6 found that 3 and himself could come together and be seen as equal to 9. When 9 was removed, 6 had a very negative feeling. Some were considered prime suspects in 9’s death. 2, 3, 5, and 7. 6 knew it had to be 7. His involvement with 9 added up two well. 6 snuck into 7’s house. He looked up from the floorboards, and found himself under 7. An admittedly inappropriate position for him, but 6 saw the proof he wanted: 9’s body, half devoured. 7 was a cannibal... 7 8 9. 6 has spent the remainder of his days terrified of 7, worried that someday 7 will learn what 6 knows... And promptly solve his problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlJo27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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The constipated math teacher

Solved her problems with her pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timned88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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I'm going to name my son Violence.

If he's smart, I can tell my friends that Violence solves problems.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/micronerd01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2016
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A man went to the doctor to complain about his hip pain.

"You need to exercise more. Have you tried dancing? Maybe you should join a club", the doctor says.

The man, unsure if more movement would really solve the problem, replies: "I don't know Doc, I think I want a second opinion on that."

"In that case, I'd suggest you to see a dentist", comes the answer.

"But Doc, why would I go to the dentist with my hip problem?"

To this, the doctor says: "It hurts because you don't floss."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnemysKiller
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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Why is a mathbook always happy?

Because someone solves all its problems

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sou1_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Science Puns

One of the funniest school puns; science puns

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.


The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.


If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.


A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”


Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!


How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.


What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O too” β€” and he died.


A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.


Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your β€œstyle.”


I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.


I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.


Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.


Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.


Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.


What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!


A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies β€œFor you, no charge”.


Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: β€œOh, no, I think I lost an electron.” β€œAre you sure?”

β€œYe

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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How they cured the mathematician's despression

Solved his problems

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Abckidz123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Son asks for help with his science homework. Nerd dad strikes!

Son: "Dad, I having trouble solving problems about solubility. Can you help me?"

Me: "Sure. It is pretty simple, actually. All you need to do is plug the numbers from the problems into the right equations. Then, you can figure out the solutions."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JakeDC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2017
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My school has an issue with weed on campus...

... they formed a joint committee to try to solve the problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_aikaterine
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2013
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Got my students today

I'm explaining problem solving to my HS freshmen physical science class and I get to the part about the formula, which I call a "relationship". I say that I, personally, am in a long term relationship with my ex-girlfriend. "I thought you were married" a bunch shout out. I am, my wife used to be my girlfriend.

Groans ensued, but the best part was one young lady shaking her head saying "I hate you so much Mr. RichardCranium_"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardCranium_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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Why did the Mathematician take meth during an Algebra contest?

Because he needed to solve the problems with speed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sych224
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2016
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Daughter nailed it this weekend...

I’ve been telling my #2 daughter dad jokes from this sub every day. She got me back this weekend.

As we were walking to the National Mall in D.C. for the Earth Day concerts on Saturday we noticed that the Smithsonian was having the National Math Festival.

She says – What do you do there? Solve math problems and eat Pi?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HotwheelzFFX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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Teacher Told Us a Dad joke in Class Today

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid in part up front. The man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Wall-mart grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

Unknown to Artie, the entire proceeding were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.

And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: "Artie chokes two for a dollar at Wall-mart."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisisCarl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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Paradise Island

I was just on vacation in the Bahamas and took a tour boat to Paradise Island. The guide told us it used to be called Hog Island because of all the pigs, but it wasn't a very attractive name.

To solve the hog problem so the island could be developed, the locals killed them all and had a giant barbeque.

One could say they went hog wild. I hear at the barbeque they really pigged out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasamson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2015
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Name my webapp: Golf + code = ?

My team is looking for a name for our coding golf web app. The idea is to solve a problem in as few characters of code as possible and we need a code-golf pun for the brand name. We will credit the user if we choose their pun, of course.

Happy punning!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KonkilA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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When you hear "We're running out of chips!"

Go to the almost empty chip bowl and smash the remaining chips. Look at the person and say "Problem solved, more chips".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntgcleaner
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
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Just got my my wife!

I grabbed a powercunch bar out of the cabinet, my wife turns as says "Stop you have a problem" to which I replied "Yo, i'll solve it check out the hook while my DJ revolves it" then proceeded to stuff it in my mouth whilst trying to flee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lazypanda7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2016
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Back from Egypt.

My dad came back from Egypt and we are celebrating the 4th of July. At a bbq we were eating lunch with the neighborhood. And somebody was joking about denail being great to my dad. Neighbor dad: 'well denial solves a lot of problems hahaha.'

Dad: I just came back from Egypt and I'll tell you da'NILE is pretty great!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crispyjay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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My son has a first date with a vegan. He's concerned about finding a nice restaurant that has a vegan menu.

"It's a first date. Just bring her some edible flowers. Problem solved."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iJohnny0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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Some guy just approached me and refused to leave until I solve a trigonometry problem.

I have no idea what his angle is.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear how the constipated mathematician solved his problem?

He worked it out with a pencil!

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h34th3n
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
🚨︎ report

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