Pretending Puns

I said "no wait, I can change."

Sorry, but I had to put my foot down with that one.

He said "Nope, just counting the seats".

She's a real night towel

Chalkolate

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

He was sick of me horsing around

A purrson

But I can't stop now! I'm on a roll!

"First we take the tortilla and lay it out. Then we add the sliced meat, and veggies, dressing it with the red sauce by Franks. Add the cheese and fold it in on itself".....

"Ok, that's a Wrap"

Pika-BOO!

Happy Father's Day!

She just can't lose the habit.

I can’t even point Academia on a map.

PseudoFed

It’s time to put my foot down

Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules.

A decom-POSER!

I told him I was being counterproductive

My wife came storming in angrily, looked at us and shouted, 'Get down!'

I said, 'Follow the commander's orders, son. There might be an ambush.'

I pleaded with her to stay by saying, "No, wait! I can change!"

I said 'Why do you keep pretending to throw those at me?'.
He said 'You're right, I am just making a Spectacle of myself'.

Internally I was laughing but I couldn't let him know he got to me...

When I told my dad he said "Must have been a steak out"

Dad: Sorry, but I can't hear you. Ive got some fruit and cream in this ear and some cake and custard in this one. Confused Child: What?!? Dad: Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm a trifle deaf today.

I said, “But wait, I can change!”

I had to put my foot down.

I said, "No, wait! I can change."

But I'm on a roll now…

But I'm on a roll now.

that’s when i had to put my foot down

But I'm on a roll, now!