My friend keeps pressuring me into going spelunking with him. Well, after weeks and months of constant persuasion...

...I finally caved.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AnthonyDuricko
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I feel strong peel pressure when all my friends start eating bananas.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/deoxys14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 734
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LIS1050010
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...

I felt your presents!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CoddiwomplingRandall
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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I hate peer pressure

Unless my friends like it, then I guess it's cool

πŸ‘οΈŽ 85
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pray4judo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
It might crack under pressure.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SorenRL
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: β€œAnd what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.

The woman simply replied, β€œNo peer pressure.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/decentname99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of flies in a vacuum chamber?

Walks.

For those who didn't get it , it's okay , there's no pressure at all !

πŸ‘οΈŽ 243
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ravioliWhoreeeee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you mix alcohol with pressure in a small space?

BARFITE

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to trademark an unit for pressure...

But the patent office wouldn’t have a bar of it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AllDayRef
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the volcano say to earth?

I’m going to explode if you don’t stop pressuring me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/D-B-Zzz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My interviewer asked if I could preform under pressure.

I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cheezzlez
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My future boss asked if i could perform under pressure.

I said "No, but I can do a great Bohemian Rhapsody"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cheezzlez
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the pressure Microsoft is under to compete with iPad?

Surface Tension

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TennisADHD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't eggs keep a secret?

They tend to crack under pressure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a go.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/r_person
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BigDogAlex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Job Interview : "How do you perform under pressure"

I usually have my band with me

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
pier pressure [OC]
πŸ‘οΈŽ 290
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slavicgarlic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to go to the docks, but after my friends pestered me for an hour I finally gave into pier pressure
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Bandit_TFR
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Maybe carbon doesn't want to be a diamond

it's just pressured into it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yoddleforavalanche
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure

Me: I don’t know about that but I can take a stab at Bohemian Rhapsody

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CashMoney6661
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are whales so stressed out?

They're under a lot of pressure down there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fku208
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Got pier pressured to post this here.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Invalleria
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the tire get fired from its job?

It couldn’t stand the pressure

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/decentname99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can’t an egg speak publicly?

He cracks under pressure

πŸ‘οΈŽ 302
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DogEatingSpaghetti
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Which weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What causes all the super-yachts to squeeze together in the same tourist spots?

Pier pressure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Where should you go for a drink when you feel under pressure?

The isobar!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Under pressure
πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mehaxe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck

But it quacked under pressure

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Hope this one doesn’t blow up on me.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lococlyde
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center... The interviewer asked me if I can work well under pressure
πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.

I call it the 0k boomer experiment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Pier pressure
πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MRR2012
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.

It's a ton of pressure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Many years ago there was a vicious viking named RΓΌdoff.

RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".

After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.

One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars

"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.

He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:

RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone interested in buying a broken barometer....?

No pressure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is it so hard being a fish?

They are under pressure their whole life

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cabra117
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Does France ban any activities for its universal healthcare?

I can't imagine the Pierre pressure it would cause...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I get tyred of normal jokes and make puns instead. They are quick, easy, and don't put you under pressure. Sometimes, they can be very flat. They can be as light as air, or as heavy as steel. All in all, puns really punp me up!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Transportation_Fan_1
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You wanna know my opinion on negative pressure?

It sucks!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dexemplu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends invited me to do drugs on the docks

The Pier pressure is heavy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Waterburst789
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
When someone is depressed, apply pressure to some part of their body. They'll no longer be de-pressed.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SuspiciousOmelet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor just diagnosed me with very low blood pressure.

He prescribed two IKEA self assembly wardrobes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
"Pier Pressure” instagram.com/gonepatrol/…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iFunny_15_T0x1c
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
"You know what sucks ?"

Negative pressure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report

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