What do positively charged particles have in common with professional sumo wrestling teams?

They're both protons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fecalfettucine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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I'm gonna be positively shocked to see 2 updoots
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowy_Ocelot
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Circumcision is positively...

dickendsian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyckname
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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A positively transcen-dental pun...
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
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What do you call a positively charged seal?

A Sealion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ben-Dover-123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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I tried to get my two positively-charged friends to hook up

But there was just no attraction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginolard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2017
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The cast from Pulp Fiction tested positive with Covid after going camping together:

Tent in Quarantino

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.

Guess you could say that it was a close shave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomgz0mbie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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What sex position makes the ugliest babies?

Ask your mom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Mate was feeling down so I told him there's a positive and negative to everything, you just gotta find it...

Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaccyBuegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why can’t you trust atoms?

They make up everything.

I was proud.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaybird1905
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Did you know Pecans are one of the most positive type of nuts out there...

Else, they’d be called Pecants

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ash_bel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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I started a petition to swap the position of "a" and "n" in the alphabet.

No one took me seriously when I said jk lmao

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?

Santa forward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?

Knee on yellow.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Australian tennis star Bernard Tomic's sister, Ana, agreeing with her friend Ally about the positions of body parts

Ana Tomic: Ally, correct

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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U have been tested positive for breathtaking
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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This support group will help you recharge
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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I met a transformer who only had positive thoughts.

He said his name was optimist prime

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Artisticspawm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I am positive that there is something wrong with Quasimodo's back

Or it could be just a hunch

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?

It's swell, actually...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Trump tested positive for COVID-19

The news went viral.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Stay Positive

Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).

Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.

Me to son, β€œHey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.”

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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What would you call a man from GdaΕ„sk?

A North Pole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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If Karen had a job, what would her position be?

Head of the chain of demand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous8776
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive

She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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What religious positions are open for women?

Nun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nonservia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"

"I don't know, bud, what?"

"Your legs."

Well done, kid.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papagayo_blanco
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....

It was always just one ting after another.

Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThroneDiscs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_simplepotato_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type

As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I got called pretty today.

...well, actually, the full statement was β€œyou’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.

πŸ‘︎ 584
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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So I tested positive for covid antibodies.

My dad wanted to know about my uncle-bodies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Registered_Murse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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/r/BlackFathers will now be a positive and supportive community for Black and POC fathers

https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv

Reddit admins have recently granted ownership of /r/BlackFathers to myself and a group of other Black/POC mods, and it is our intention to make this a positive and supportive community. This is a place where Black/POC fathers and their family, friends, and colleagues can find helpful resources, welcoming content, and a safe space to learn from each other and share our experience.

Content of all types are welcome so long as the subject/focus of the content is supportive of Black/POC fathers. We look forward to seeing you there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigJ76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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Instead of medicine, my hippie girlfriend cured her hemorrhoid using only the "power of positive suggestion."

"I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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My wife left her position as a Geologist to pursue her dream as a tennis coach...

...She went from studying faults to double-faults.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I ate an optimist once...

But, I couldn't keep him down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I was really excited when my wife bought me a book for my birthday called β€œ69 Mating Positions”.

Turns out it’s about Chess strategies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.

From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood

Turns out it was a Type-O

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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If Frodo was the President of the Fellowship, what position would Gandalf have?

Chief of Staff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weird_al_yankee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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The punny side of r/antimeme
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kanamuna24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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My wife was a little puzzled when I suddenly bought some new beads for her abacus. Smiling, I said to her...

"Honey, it’s the little things that count!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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What do you call a positively charged seal?

A seal(ion)!!! :D

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Senor_Andy_Panda
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
🚨︎ report

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