i was piloting a drone and had it going east. so i turned it 90°...
it all went south from there!
For my final exam in piloting school, they had me fly a shipment of paint to its destination.
I passed with flying colors.
I hired an ex-pilot to do some painting in my house
He's actually pretty good! He made a great job of the landing.
Why do fighter pilots hate playing golf?
They keep hitting bogeys.
Why did the pilot get sent to his room
It's the pilot's fault.
See a story about a pilot didn't remember his correct destination. Look at my 19 year old son and say "He just plane forgot!"
His eyes rolled like that boulder in Indiana Jones
Why couldn't Joseph Stalin be a pilot?
What's the German WW2 pilot's favourite dessert?
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.
All of his friends called him plain stupid.
First day as a pilot....
Me: (Looking down nervously ) "What are these buttons for?"
Co Pilot: "They keep your shirt closed "
Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...
He made a lovely job of the landing!
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
You need a pilots license before you become a spy.
After all, you'll be in da skies.
What kind of pizza did the pilot prefer?
Why are pilots so hard to find?
Because they're always in disguise!
Twenty One Pilots are not a very successful band
They’re still fairly local
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
Why did pilots use to have such a hard time flying straight?
All they had was biplanes
Why did the LGBTQ pilot refuse to fly 747s?
He said he prefers bi-planes
I'd tell you a pilot joke
But I don't have the right attitude.
I hope yaw appreciate my pitch though
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
As a pilot in the Navy I have to wake up early in the morning
You know, for my morning portie.
Despite being famous for flying, why did Peter Pan make for a terrible pilot?
TIL Older forms of English kept Latin’s gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.
This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.
I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.
He was in the wrong craft.
Why do Air Force pilots salute differently?
Because they’re above us.
What did the fawning plane propeller say to the pilot once they had landed?
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
I thought it was odd when I saw a police officer dressed up as an airline pilot.
Then it dawned on me...
He must be one of those plane clothes cops!
A pilot, Jedi, and Sith Lord walks into a cantina
The bartender says, "What can I get you, Anakin?"
I once tried to start a comedy career by telling jokes about my days as a pilot.
Sadly, I could never get my jokes to land, and just kept crashing and burning on stage.
What did the air traffic controller say to the angry pilot?
I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.
Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.
Joke my 4 year old came up with. What did one pilot say to the other?
Who’s flying this thing?!
I'm making a new documentary series on how to fly an aeroplane
We're currently filming the pilot
When a pilot flies past a plane he once piloted,
He's flying by the seat of his pants.
Is it just me or is 21 pilots 19 more than they need?
A pilot told a joke and he and his plane disappeared.
The Captain of our flight called the cops when he saw a film crew
He heard they were there to shoot a pilot
First day as a pilot, I asked my co-pilot; “what are those buttons for?”
“To keep your shirt closed.“
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
Had a painter round. He said he was a laid off US Airline pilot ..
Made a great job of the landing ..
my first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
copilot: they keep your shirt closed
I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.
He was in the wrong craft.
Just had a painter and decorator round, hes a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot.
He made a lovely job of the landing....
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