Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''
''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''
It was gut wrenching.
Vet: "are you picking up what I'm putting down"
He really gets a kick out of it.
Doctors without boarders.
He says I had to remove your stomach
The patient asks why
He replied man you don't have a stomach for jokes
ICU later.
All I hear is Joe Biden his time till the results are finalized!
0mg
I replied, "What else would I be? The doctor?"
You could say it's a choronic disease.
I know that the doctor said; We have amputated your arms....
They always seem to keep a skeleton in their closet
Suture self.
Drycoughsky
Doctor: Stephen with a "ph"?
Nurse: Yes, a low one.
Coffin
What a great boob job.
Turns out, he was resting in peas.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
Good eye, mate
"Well, you just have to be a little patient."
A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
Doctor: I think 35 kids is enough, don’t you?
He was asimptomatic.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
It’s the weekend immune system.
With sympathy
That explained the stains next to it.
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
Stay positive.
Therapist: Why ?
Patient: Yes!
It’s not much, but it’s a rewarding job
but for doctors they're an asset
Brace yourself
I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said “I think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, “but it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”
Le down
He really gets a kick out of it.
The doctor says: “I can tell right away that you’re not eating right”
