So! A number of you are probably wondering what the fuck happened today with the O-Train. Well, having been there myself, I am here to explain it.
It all started at about 4:05 this afternoon on the westbound train. Myself and a couple of friends were heading home after a long day. We had just left Pimisi and began climbing up the hill towards Bayview when the train suddenly stopped. Harsh braking & the like. We sat there on the tracks for about five minutes and then a train arrived on the eastbound track. It also stopped just as suddenly as we had. However, within five minutes it was moving again. Our train hadn’t.
The front car (the one with the operator) shut off its lights and systems not that much after. A man in an OC Transpo vest began walking through the car, said something about "an individual on the tracks" and then opened a door and walled to the other attached vehicle. He did this multiple times over a period of about 20 minutes, until he made an announcement. I don’t remember the exact words, but, basically, he informed us that a rescue train was coming in 10 minutes. By now, it was about 4:30, and a bunch of passengers were starting to get fed up.
A couple of trains had passed along the other track, both going to and from Tunney's Pasture. Anyway, no rescue train after 10 minutes. At about 4:55, another train came beside us and stopped. It was filled with (mostly) OC Transpo Special Constables, who opened up one set of doors for the whole vehicle and then asked us to board the other train. We stepped across to it and took our seats. Eventually, just after 5, we reached Tunney's. Anyway, end of story.
Tl;dr train stopped randomly and added an extra hour to my trip home.
EDIT: Hearing from a friend at the other end of the train that the vehicle shut off first, then someone pulled the emergency escape, and left. That was the person on the tracks.
There is something intrinsically satisfying about tightening ratchet straps. Making a few adjustments and listening to the metallic clicks of the pawl, watching the strap tighten, securing a load. Yesterday I loaded my pickup truck with most of my worldly possessions and prepared for a cross-continent move. The rest I gave away or sold cheap. I think I’ve always been a nomad at heart, and the winds of change are blowing again. As I sat on the bed of my truck, tenaciously trying to Tetris in yet another footlocker, my memories harkened back to Iraq and a similarly significant and stubborn road trip.
Pride goeth before the fall. Some people, through arrogance, ignorance or stubbornness just refuse to admit when they are in over their heads. I’ve seen a lot of that in the military. I think there is something that uniquely alters the reasoning center of a man’s brain once he’s in a position of leadership, in which they will refuse to admit any faults or limitations they might have. Some folks will press ahead, risking all beyond reason rather than ask for help. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s stupid and sometimes it’s scary. One August night in Hawija, I watched my team sergeant Bob pull off an amazing combination of all three.
The summer of 2008 in Iraq was the summer that the back of the insurgency was broken. One of the tenants in embracing COIN doctrine was to move Coalition forces off their isolated FOBs and to station smaller units closer to population centers and have Allied and Iraqi troops out interacting more with the public. As a huge fan of Iraqis and their street food, I was pleased by this doctrinal change, and spent much of the summer pounding the pavement and chatting it up in the bazars and plazas of the towns and cities of Hawija District. To cover more ground, my civil affairs team was relocated from our large battalion Forward Operating Base (FOB) to a smaller company sized Combat Outpost (COP) located in an abandoned Iraqi train station.
My team was down to three people; my team sergeant Bob, and my sergeant Kurt. Our officer had been relieved/promoted for accidentally losing his rifle outside the wire, and the infantry battalion kicked him off base. Because officers are very rarely punished in any meaningful way, the civil affairs battalion pretended to promote him to assistant company commander of the HQ company at a base far away, where he spent the remainder of the deployment fucking up someone else’s missions instead of our
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
The steel plow cut through the earth with ease, dragged forth by a tired Farmer and his trusty Xenti "horse" though the creatures were far from the horses most humans would be familiar with, being of amphibian stock rather then mammals.
The farmer wiped sweat and dirt from his brow as the greater sun began to fall under the horizon of Prospect III, he turned to his Xenti and undid the harness holding the faithful animal to the farming tool before looking out over the freshly ploughed field.
The farmer smiled, "You did good girl, you can rest tomorrow." He said and lead the amphibian to a gated pasture, part field, part swampy pond, and the Xenti gladly walked it's self to the edge of the small pond before taking a great bound, and diving into it's muddy waters.
"Dinners ready!" Yelled a familiar voice, "Fabian, kids, come quick!" The farmer quickly turned his head to face the voice, his wife stood on the porch of their home, her eyes suddenly widened, and her arm sprang up to point at the cause for her concern, but it was already to late, Their twin children sprinted directly past their father, making a b-line directly for their mothers "famous" home cooking. " Looks like Hadrian and Kelly are gonna beat you to the table again Fabian!" Shouted Elizabeth, Fabian benti's wife of 4 years,
"I'll be right there in I bit love, I have to but the horse's harness in the shed!" He had yelled, before going to the shed, a small structure made or simple wood and nails, nothing much like the rustic two story home the family lived in, Fabian strapped the harness over a peg on the wall and turned to leave the shed, opening the door to the quickly darkening world when the sudden whine of anti-grav generators filled the air, a blinding green light filled the night, followed by a deafening boom and shockwave that threw Fabian backwards into the collapsing shed.
Hours later Fabian came to, his head spinning with pain and confusion, he threw of the shattered planks that buried him to see the smoking ruin that was once his home, pieces thrown about by some powerful explosion. He filled with agony and despair, but rather than filling the night air with his lament, he began to cough, violently, his skin burned and all he could do was lay back down and give up.
As he stared into the dark sky watching prospect IIIs desert moon floating besides the lesser sun, he notice the purple lights of a small space craft hovering over another homestead miles away, and when green light
... keep reading on reddit ➡For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
At work, I have a workstation.
edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard
