https://preview.redd.it/2064s3fpggx51.png?width=750&format=png&auto=webp&s=eb5e2075e112029edf1e41435a6fda0631f30c81
A facepalm.
I want a punny name for it that makes people cringe. As of right now it’s Arnold Palmer... please give me more suggestions 😂
HOLD ONTO YOUR NUTS THIS IS NO ORDINARY BLOW JOB.
Now I have something to give me a hand around the house.
It has no fronds.
Insurance frond
It keep trying to frondle everyone
They’re good at it.
Because they have lots of fronds.
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.
What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.
My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit ➡By planting palm trees.
We were driving to a friend's house for "game day". We live in Phoenix...we have flora that doesn't like living..because..it is Phoenix.As we were driving, we passed a huge palm tree on its last root (leg) of life in the median of the road. It is literally being held up by a few 2x4's. I look at my husband with the saddest look I can muster before I say "Babe, did you see that poor palm?". Husband says, "Oh yea, that big, dead-looking ones with the boards?". I respond, "Yea, sweetie, we should say a prayer. The poor thing is on LEAF support". He was not amused...I, however, giggle every other Saturday when we pass the tree to game day. Also, please don't worry about the tree. Now that Phoenix has made it through a hot summer, I bet after winter it will just spring back to life...assuming it doesn't fall. Lastly, sorry I'm not a dad or no actually dad said it...but I was channeling that inner dad when it happened! If I need to move this post it is okay!
I saw a palm tree on a dating site. "Not looking for anything serious. Just FRONDS with benefits..."
Walking with the wife this morning and saw someone quickly walking away from a front yard with his hood up and carrying a young palm tree. It was about 4 ft tall with its leaves and branches well over the guy's head. Palm trees can be expensive, so we thought this guy was stealing it. The wife said, "huh, that's a little suspicious." I corrected her: "yeah, that guy looked a little shady." Now I walk alone.
me: These oranges don't have seeds, wonder how they reproduce.
wife: Well, when one orange likes another orange they go on a date.
me: Wait, what does a palm tree have to do with oranges?
She looked at me blankly for about 5 seconds, then shook her head.
Was trimming a palm tree this morning and a piece came flying down at my wife and she said did you see how close that got to me, I turned at her from my perched position on the ladder with a huge smile and replied 'oh I saw' as I brandished my rusty saw, quite proudly.
they were making rubber on the show. He said "I really wonder how rubber trees have survived evolution! It's gotta be really hard to procreate!"
Commence face-palming.
Today at work, my co-worker and I are decorating the group home we are working in for Christmas. As she finishes decorating the tree, she asks;
Her: The tree looks nice. I don't want to put the rest of the ornaments on it though, cause it'll look clutter. What should we do?
Me: Well... we can always deck the halls?
Followed by lots of laughing while she face palmed and walked out the room.
Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
A Palm Tree
A palm tree
A palm tree
A palm tree
A palm tree
A Palm Tree
A palm tree
...a PALM tree!
