I was left a package this morning. On the front in big red letters it said, "PLEASE DO NOT BEND"

I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Amazon package wake up in a bathtub full of ice?

Because it was de-livered.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a package of trail mix and it only had cashews, almonds, and pistachios.

That's just nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you get packages in chile

Because their Amazon only goes to the northern part of South America.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoatDude86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, β€œnow my package isn’t coming for another 5 days!”

I replied, now you know how I feel.

πŸ‘︎ 301
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zion2199
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I let my out of town girlfriend know her vegetable service delivered a package today and I had some bad news.

She asked what had happened to it,

I told her the box had a leek in it.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CptnBo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife returned a package of pantyhose that she bought online, but they only refunded 90% of the purchase price...

...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My fiancΓ© just said this one. Me: A package came for our cat today.

FiancΓ©: Oh, I didn't realise she was ordering packages.

Me: She must've gone to the bank to get herself a debit card.

FiancΓ©: Nah, she just went to the neighbours tree.

Me: Huh?

FiancΓ©: The local branch.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maturius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...

Looks like the boa cons tricked her...

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Here’s your package

πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈThanks mailman

πŸ™‹β€β™‚οΈYou’re welcome female woman

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inanimated
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a former FBI agent who now works delivering packages?

A Fed-Ex Ex-Fed!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slekrons
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Lipton probably saw many different pitchers of its brewed beverages before settling for the one on its iconic package...

They auditioned many before choosing the best model tea.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get a cat to deliver a package?

You call USPSpspspspspspsps.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajaklakwnwbwhs
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do balloons filled with helium cost more than balloons sold in packages?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I jokingly asked my mailman if they test all packages for coronavirus, but he didn't laugh, and now I'm not receiving any letters.

I think my delivery may be off.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Microwaving a TV dinner without opening the package to allow steam to escape is the best way to cook it!

It will be bursting with flavor!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I was running down the aisle to grab the last package of toilet paper, but I slipped and fell before someone else grabbed it.

You could say I completely wiped out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwoolery
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Two ants seemed to be having a race on a package.

A 3rd ant joined, and beat them both, and started gloating about it.

The two ants said, "that wasn't a race. We were just following instructions."

The 3rd ant asked, "what instructions?"

The two ants said, "see right here, it says 'tear across dotted line.'"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you package French bread?

You baguette.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pfheonix
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex is going through a hard time so I decided to send a food-focused care package.

Fed Ex.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you package French bread? reddit.com/r/puns/comment…
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pfheonix
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What the best way to package cold sore medicine?

In a blister pack.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My package was just stolen off of my front porch...

It was an Amazon Crime

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrashyBoi_UwU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
All-inclusive vacation packages are scams

They can’t include vacation packages that don’t include themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacos-ego
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Thought of this as my wife got her Amazon package stolen

Why did the thief steal the planner?

So they can participate in organized crime...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerbear616
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
In the very near future, you may have your packages delivered by a robot

That should ring a bell.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/owahab
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The former NBA commissioner was persuaded to buy a family gym package that included unlimited personal training sessions...

After the trainer vowed she would leave no Stern untoned.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whosevelt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I was visiting my surgeon friend when an Amazon package arrived at the door.

He told the mailman, β€œ Ah... just what the doctor ordered.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
*Dad reading steak package*

Hey look, this beef was fed vegetarians!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nintendongg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call south american apes that get quickly delivered packages?

amazon primates

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is renovating his kitchen and keeps leaving huge delivered packages on his front lawn. The latest is a huge basin on a pallet and It. Is. An eyesore.

Let that sink in.

Happy Father's Day!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What do little kids and package deliverymen have in common?

They both play with dollies all day!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paxromana96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Today in Wal-Mart, my dad picked up a package of Hostess Snowballs

"Somewhere, a snowman is singing soprano..."

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/souwant2bcliche
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2015
🚨︎ report
"If you really want to impress your lady friend, then you need to give your package a little enhancement..." youtube.com/watch?v=a0rtp…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quazzet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife sent me a picture of a package we got in the mail...

My three month old daughter was in the background so I asked her if the baby added a lot for shipping.

She said no, but it took a long time to arrive because it shipped from vachina.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViewtifulGary89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my wife last night regarding a package

I opened up the front door to check if a package had been delivered and walked away disappointed, "Darnit! I was expecting my deoderant to arrive."

Wife, in the most "whatever" tone she could muster: "Oh no! What are you going to do?"

Me: "I'm going to throw my hands in the air and say, 'This stinks!'"

Edit: Fixed phone keyboard nonsense.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riskable
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
🚨︎ report
What does the mailman say when he drop a package?

http://www.logodesignlove.com/images/contentious/ups-logo.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Electric_unicorn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
🚨︎ report
My co-worker told me where to take the outgoing UPS packages.

So I asked him what to do with the introverted ones.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomnbio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
🚨︎ report
Buddy drops a package of meat while bringing groceries inside.

Me: "Check it out, man... ground beef!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFensworth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2014
🚨︎ report

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