28 Hilarious Ostrich Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

Did you know that the fastest animal on land is the ostrich?

Actually, it's not but the fastest one is a cheetah

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👤︎ u/Alfie_13

📅︎ Nov 06 2020

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A polygamist lion walks into a bar with 3 of his wives: a giraffe, an ostrich and a llama. /r/Jokes/comments/jdou1c/…

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👤︎ u/castironspheres

📅︎ Oct 18 2020

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Why did the judge set the bail so low for the ostrich charged with assault?

He wasn't a flight risk.

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👤︎ u/Joesdad65

📅︎ Jun 06 2020

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What do you call an ostrich that doesn’t have a father?

A bostrich

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👤︎ u/YouNamedMeeDog

📅︎ Feb 02 2020

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For over 30,000 years humans gave each other social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.

I guess you might call them emu-jis.

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👤︎ u/JoeFas

📅︎ Mar 11 2020

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Large birds are ostracized for being ostrich-sized.

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👤︎ u/ApfelCore

📅︎ Mar 12 2019

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An ostrich is impregnated by an alien.

It gives birth to an Australian.

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👤︎ u/borg2525

📅︎ Jan 13 2019

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Did you hear about the race between the giraffe and the ostrich?

It was neck and neck the whole way.

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👤︎ u/December_Soul

📅︎ May 30 2019

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Did you hear about the ostrich who was arrested?

He was let go, they didn’t think he was a flight risk.

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👤︎ u/ZonieDrew

📅︎ Aug 15 2019

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Ostrich meat would be a market I could get into to make some good money...

but it probably wouldn't take off.

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👤︎ u/197708156EQUJ5

📅︎ Feb 11 2019

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If ostrich my budget, I could afford this imgur.com/gallery/1EUrg

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👤︎ u/ew_modemac

📅︎ Dec 05 2016

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What do you call an ostrich that practices magic?

An ostwitch

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👤︎ u/Sure_Dave

📅︎ Jan 28 2018

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What did the camel say to the ostrich?

Nothing, it can't speak.

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👤︎ u/1insevenbillion

📅︎ May 13 2017

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There's an ongoing armed seige occurring at at the zoo...

The gunmen have taken a number of ostriches.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ May 17 2021

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He said I could take the ostriches but not the ducks.

(Because he never gave a flying flock)

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👤︎ u/nftpc

📅︎ Jan 19 2020

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Did you hear about the man who was cancelled for pretending to be an emu?

He was ostrich-sized

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👤︎ u/TheLaborOnion

📅︎ Apr 07 2021

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Have you heard about the chicken that got kicked out because it was too big?

It was ostrich sized

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👤︎ u/grandadthony

📅︎ Feb 06 2021

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Why did everyone ignore the tall flightless bird?

Because he was Ostrich-sized

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👤︎ u/JPHFanEdits

📅︎ Feb 03 2021

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Called the vets this morning...

Me: "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich."

Vet: "Ok what's the problem?"

Me: "He's holding his head to one side."

Vet: "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"

Me: "Haven't you got anything sooner?"

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👤︎ u/the_houser

📅︎ Dec 17 2020

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You'll definitely need an expert for that

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👤︎ u/ELZEKO_gamer

📅︎ Feb 28 2020

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Why did the big bird feel left out?

Because he was ostrich sized

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👤︎ u/weaponalpha450

📅︎ Oct 18 2019

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HELP!? How do I make this joke work...cause everyone hates it....

Q: How big was the lonely finch?

A:Ostrich-sized

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👤︎ u/Timoliciousiii

📅︎ Nov 21 2019

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When birds embarrass themselves..

...it’s very hawkward.

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👤︎ u/Lum1nar

📅︎ Apr 06 2019

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Did you hear what happened to the guy who had a fetish for large flightless birds?

He was ostrichized from society...so emuved away.

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👤︎ u/Jon_Cake

📅︎ Mar 02 2016

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Did You Hear About The Giant Duck?

None of the other ducks would play with him.

He was completely ostrich-sized.

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👤︎ u/TheJeizon

📅︎ Mar 11 2018

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Did you hear about the emu that was taller than all of his friends?

He was ostrich-sized

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👤︎ u/grievre

📅︎ Jan 13 2016

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Did you hear the one about the turkey that was so big none of the other turkeys would play with him?

He was ostrich-sized.

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👤︎ u/Obknaxious

📅︎ Apr 13 2016

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Did you hear about the giant bird they kicked out of the flock?

I understand he was ostrich-sized.

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👤︎ u/DoctorRed

📅︎ May 07 2014

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