Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
π︎ 230
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
The only people to show up to my friendβs funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
π︎ 656
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I went to a zoo once and there was only one animal there, a regular old house dog.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 15 2020
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what heβs found...
She says, βOh, thatβs horrible. Are they moving?β
The guy replies, βI donβt know, but that would explain the suitcase.β
π︎ 447
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︎ Jun 30 2020
One of my best friends had her 50th birthday today and I told her βmy next ones will only last 50 seconds!β She said, βReally?β
And, I said βYes, because it will be my 52nd birthday!β
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 07 2020
There are only two sexes and one gender
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
π︎ 16
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I once saw two men quarreling because both claimed that his family name is Fuck and the other is lying. After seeing their IDs, I found out that only one man was telling the truth, the one with the first name What.
π︎ 30
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︎ Aug 02 2020
I was going to ask this girl out at my gym but she only had one leg and...
I'm lack toes intolerant.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 28 2020
The one and only Gentina
π︎ 90
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︎ May 23 2020
I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldnβt get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......
Poor guy turned to a life of mime.
π︎ 12
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︎ Aug 01 2020
What starts with an βeβ, ends with an βeβ and only has one letter in it?
π︎ 59
π
︎ May 22 2020
I went to the bakery and noticed I was the only one there.
It was completely desserted.
π︎ 24
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︎ May 22 2020
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. βDo you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?β
βBecause we donβt need depth perception with our mouths β was his technically correct answer
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jun 29 2019
I had a really disappointing visit to the zoo. They only had one animal, and that was only a dog.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 22 2020
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote βAntβ in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 27 2020
As I get older and my eyesight gets worse, I can only think of one thing:
When will I get adult super vision?
π︎ 238
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
What starts with an E and ends with an E, but often only has one letter?
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Dec 31 2017
Tragic news, a cargo ship carrying shoes from overseas ran into heavy weather and sank, only one man was rescued, he was found using shoes as a makeshift flotation device.
He was the sole survivor.
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 04 2020
There is a mysterious body of water where every wave is the same height, only one type of fish is ever caught there, and the tides come in and out at the same time every day.
Itβs called the Redundant-Sea.
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 26 2020
I tried to steal some garments and a sweet substance, but only managed to get one of them.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 07 2020
Did you hear about the soldier who lost one foot in a battle, and fought on, only to lose his other foot as well?
π︎ 285
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︎ Nov 29 2018
My new nightclub for giants finally opened. It took over 7 years of planning and we only had one rule...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 07 2019
I've only got three albums in my collection. Two by Meatloaf and one by Michael Jackson.
Two out of three ain't Bad
π︎ 15
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︎ Oct 08 2019
What has only one finger and is very demanding ?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 19 2018
Maybe aliens exist but they decided not to come to Earth when they checked the reviews and saw that it only has one star
π︎ 39
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︎ May 09 2019
I just saw my wife with her sexiest underwear on and it only means one thing...
I have to get out of them before she sees me.
π︎ 14
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︎ May 20 2019
There's only one traffic sign that informs you and launches an investigation
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 16 2019
A man walks into a zoo and there is only one animal in the entire zoo, a dog.
π︎ 192
π
︎ May 12 2018
My wife only eats one type of yogurt and refuses to try any other brand.
She discriminates against other cultures.
π︎ 43
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︎ Sep 30 2018
Three men were stranded in the middle of a desert, and only allowed to bring one item for survival.
Bob asked Tom, βwhat did you bring?β βA bottle of water, Iβm sure to get thirsty in a desertβ replied Tom.
βWhat did you bring?β Tom asked. βThis sandwich. I figure Iβm gonna get hungry what with all of the walking.β replied Bob.
Bob and Tom turn to the third man, and ask βForrest, what have you got there?β Forrest said, βI have a car door, if it gets too hot, Iβll roll down the window.β
π︎ 16
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︎ Aug 11 2018
Edgar Allan Poe is about to walk into a tree and you can only shout one word, what do you say?
π︎ 118
π
︎ Oct 27 2017
I have identical twin sons, Juan and Jamal, but I only keep a picture of one.
Because if you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
π︎ 145
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︎ Jun 06 2018
I was on a camping trip with my dad and I had only one rule for him
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 24 2018
I went to the zoo today and there was only one animal!
It was a Shih Tzu
If you donβt get it look up how itβs pronounced.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 10 2018
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mum only carries one photo......
...... because if youβve seen Juan youβve seen Amal
π︎ 342
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
What word starts with "e", ends with "e", and only has one letter in it?
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 02 2018
What begins with an e and ends with an e but only has one letter?
π︎ 202
π
︎ Sep 03 2019
I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal, a dog.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 27 2019
Went to a zoo that only had one animal in it, and it was a dog.
π︎ 320
π
︎ Mar 31 2019
What word starts with "e", ends with "e", and only has one letter in it?
π︎ 96
π
︎ Nov 24 2018
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
π︎ 50
π
︎ Sep 16 2019
Aliens haven't visited Earth because they checked the reviews on our solar system and only saw one star.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 24 2019
A man walks into a zoo. There is only one animal in there, and it is a dog.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Aug 03 2018
I once went to a zoo and only saw one animal the whole time.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 03 2018
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