You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?
The only people to show up to my friend’s funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
I went to the zoo today and they only had one dog.
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...
She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”
The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”
I once saw two men quarreling because both claimed that his family name is Fuck and the other is lying. After seeing their IDs, I found out that only one man was telling the truth, the one with the first name What.
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. ‘Do you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?’
‘Because we don’t need depth perception with our mouths ‘ was his technically correct answer
I went to the bakery and noticed I was the only one there.
It was completely desserted.
I had a really disappointing visit to the zoo. They only had one animal, and that was only a dog.
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote “Ant” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
I went traveling to find the best pie. A pie in Jamaica costed 1.50$. One in Cuba was therefore only 1$. The most expensive I found was on the Bahamas and costed a whopping 3$. I might write a book about this...
I'll name it the Pie-rates of the Carribean
-Not mine, my dad's I have full disclosure to use it though :)
There is a mysterious body of water where every wave is the same height, only one type of fish is ever caught there, and the tides come in and out at the same time every day.
It’s called the Redundant-Sea.
Did you hear about the soldier who lost one foot in a battle, and fought on, only to lose his other foot as well?
Maybe aliens exist but they decided not to come to Earth when they checked the reviews and saw that it only has one star
A man walks into a zoo and there is only one animal in the entire zoo, a dog.
Three men were stranded in the middle of a desert, and only allowed to bring one item for survival.
Bob asked Tom, “what did you bring?” “A bottle of water, I’m sure to get thirsty in a desert” replied Tom.
“What did you bring?” Tom asked. “This sandwich. I figure I’m gonna get hungry what with all of the walking.” replied Bob.
Bob and Tom turn to the third man, and ask “Forrest, what have you got there?” Forrest said, “I have a car door, if it gets too hot, I’ll roll down the window.”
I went to the zoo today and there was only one animal!
It was a Shih Tzu
If you don’t get it look up how it’s pronounced.
The only difference between a one-liner joke and a dad joke is
Amidst several groans, my dad and I were the only ones to laugh. Is your early 20s too early to embrace the dadjoke?
Earlier today, I entered the living room where my parents, younger brother, and some of his friends were hanging out. I proceeded to sit cross-legged (something I don't normally do) on a comfy, unoccupied armchair. My mom stared nostalgically at me and said, "You remind me of my dad. Back when he was alive, he used to sit exactly like that." Without missing a beat, my dad chimed in with, "I guess you could say he is a sitting image of his grandfather."
I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal, a dog.
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
Aliens haven't visited Earth because they checked the reviews on our solar system and only saw one star.
I once went to a zoo and only saw one animal the whole time.
I went to a zoo the other day, but they only had one animal and a dog......
Went to the zoo and it only had one animal.
Have you heard about the zoo with only one exhibit and it's a dog?
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