Please don’t resort to violins and anger if you don’t notice.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
"It'll be grated on a curve."
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
Does it mean it’s pasture bedtime?
the Supreme Court has been more Ruthless than normal?
“What are you doing, dad?”
I sigh a long, heavy sigh.
“Not much, just feeling board.”
Back in medieval times people used to be named Lancelot.
MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"
GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"
GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"
I guess their owners only drive them from time to time.
He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and can’t do it, they have to buy everyone’s drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if he’s willing to try it and the guy says “no, the steaks are too high”.
.. But the Bull charges.
Dad: What are you eating?
Girl: Edamame
Dad: Eddie... what?
Girl: Soybeans
Dad: Hola Beans! Soy Dad
...lo siento.
Did you reekognize it?
Sit on a couch and look comfortable.
So he went to his boss's office and said, Budweiser?
Namasté
There's more geese on that side.
He was low-key
Because everyone there is Russian.
They're loaners by nature.
"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"
To which I replied: “tell me about it. I’ve been with her for 20 years.”
It’s because of inflation
and not moving. "So uh, what's the deal with the dead turtle?" he asks. The barkeep perks up, "Dead? you say? I'll have you know that this is the fastest turtle on Earth!" "In fact, I have fifty dollars that say **this** turtle can beat **you** to the other side of the room!" The man looks at the motionless turtle and says, "Alright - Your on!" "on the count of three" says the bartender. "one" "two" "three!" and he picks up the turtle and throws it across the room.
I'm glad he won't be bothering me anymore!
An ass-toot observation
Friend: Did you get it fixed?
Me: No
Friend: Why not?
Me: I don't recall
Home is where the heart is.
He has them under-raps
It won’t be enough to a tractor attention.
a roundhouse kick
It seems my guests were naan the wiser.
He's taken aback because he can't seem to remember where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind takes him back to the one time that he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with a celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly "No, I'm your son's teacher."
"Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day," the cowboy says.
The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hangin'."
"The hangin'? Who are they hangin'? Anybody I'd know?"
"Brown Paper Pete," says the bartender.
"Never Heard of him. Why do they call him Brown Paper Pete?" the cowboy asks.
"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, a brown paper vest, and brown paper shoes."
"Well I don't reckon I know anyone like that," says the cowboy. "What're they hangin' him for?"
"Rustlin'" says the bartender.
MILAN!
If there are any guitarists who want to know how to make their instrument sound better, stay tuned.
He yells out "My God, I've been robed"
does that mean it's pasture bedtime?
