Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was. She replied β€œScrew you!”

So I'm pretty excited for the new year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Frank: ...girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.

Jane Spencer: Goodyear? Frank: No, the worst. (Courtesy of Naked Gun)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shumumazzu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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I ran into a girl at a vegetarian restaurant that said she new me

But I've never met herbivore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ramzee24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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What did T-Pain say to the girl at the bar in New Orleans?

Imma bayou a drink

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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Hey, have you seen that new baseball girl on the outfield?

She’s quite the catch!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReTrO_ShAnE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I think my new gamer girl and I are made for eachother

We just click!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldn’t be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.

But I’m just grasping at straws here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Propagansus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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How does a new Yorker say their gonna ask a girl out on a date?

Alaska

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ducky_Ducc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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The girl at the copy store is mighty hot and is a new romantic interest. I introduced myself but forgot her name.

So I just call her prints-ess

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Just named my new girl puppy "Karma"

is a bitch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paladium9999
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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I went out with on a date with a girl I haven't seen in a few weeks and since then I have started growing a beard. When I saw her she said the beard was newβ€”

I said yeah I wasn't crazy about it at first either, but it grew on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyl93
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
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Dad joked the new girl in the elevator?

New girl: "Ugh, I had something ing my shoe last night that I didn't get out before I left this morning."

Me: "Was it your foot?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barrtoni
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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Do you want to meet a new vegetarian girl?

Just go to www.inevermetherbivore.com

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyberlord50
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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After being warned to protect my new phone, I finally got my protection in the mail today. They sent me one meant for a teen girl with bieber on it. I still will use it until i can replace it to protect my phone.

Just in: Case; Justin case. Just Encase, just in case.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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A post on Uplifting news about a Girl who Picked up a Pick-Up truck (link to article in comments)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
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My stepmom and I were amazed at our new Dyson...I'm an 18 year old girl with dad jokes out the wazoo.
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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You know how to tell if that new girl likes you?

Dad: You give her two test tickles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thrusticus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2013
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As the dad of a 12 yo girl, this is my new favorite commercial. youtube.com/watch?v=2hmxd…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drumlin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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My friend wanted advice on what to talk about during his first date with this new girl. I told him to ask her about WiFi.

I hear it's a great way to connect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UniverseCalculus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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My father's response to hearing there are new gluten free Girl Scout cookies

http://imgur.com/4ksqE94

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πŸ‘€︎ u/limitedfunction
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
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