I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Do you know how to make a net?
You just sew a bunch of holes together.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 16 2021
A net loss to the community...
https://preview.redd.it/etjneuh87qe61.jpg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a43ed23f6164c205e69659f2949861fff21d7c0f
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 31 2021
Never date a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
π︎ 10k
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︎ Feb 04 2021
What kind of net catches metal?
π︎ 22
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︎ Dec 31 2020
My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock, a net, and two rackets!
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What brought Israel to the current times?
π︎ 19
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 27 2020
I met my wife on the net
We were both bad trapeze artists
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︎ Sep 02 2020
A pun-net punnet square
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︎ Jun 03 2020
Son tied a fist toy to my fishing net
I dont get the punchline but he's smiling
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 11 2020
He knew he'd be pun-ished for his choice. http://explosm.net/comics/3853/
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︎ Aug 25 2019
What has 4 eyes, 4 legs, 3 beaks and a net?
Four pirates looking for a lost parrot
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 16 2020
If you cut a hole in a net....
If you cut a hole in a net, the net has less holes
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 23 2020
Me and my dad went fishing and didnβt lose any gear. However we found a free net.
I guess you could say it was a net gain
Based on a true story
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︎ Jun 05 2020
π︎ 3k
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︎ Oct 26 2018
How did the King save his drowning son?
π︎ 18
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︎ Feb 25 2021
If you ever wonder, "what's my net worth?"
I'd guess that it's less than you paid for it.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 06 2020
How do they access the internet in Israel?
π︎ 15
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Net fix and chill
π︎ 67
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︎ Feb 05 2019
What is a pirate's favorite PokΓ©mon?
Arrrrrrrrrbok
My son made this up and I've never been more proud!
π︎ 114
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︎ Nov 03 2020
I became a professional fisherman...
But discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
π︎ 63
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︎ Nov 13 2020
βͺAn evil French chef mixes Kryptonite in their treats and flings them at Superman. Batman arrives on the scene but does nothing, allowing Jimmy Olsen to catch the pastries in a net, at which point Superman saves the day. Itβs like they say:
Not all heroes snare crepes.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 31 2019
EXTREMELY proud of my 5 year old son for this uninentional one:
Son: Dad...we need a net.
Me: Why?
Son: To catch our flight.
π︎ 185
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︎ Oct 13 2020
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead sirius.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Nov 08 2019
A trapeze artist was performing without a net...
'cuz Annette had called in sick that day.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 06 2019
*Cries in valentine's day*
π︎ 737
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︎ Feb 10 2020
What is the definition of βa netβ?
Holes tied together with string.
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︎ Mar 28 2019
I'm exhausted after running around collecting the first 25 letters of the alphabet in a net...
π︎ 58
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︎ Mar 25 2017
A fisherman brought in a catch of fish so large it broke his net.
He made a good bit from selling the fish, but unfortunately it was a net loss.
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 24 2019
A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.
They argued it was an act of cod.
π︎ 2
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︎ May 17 2019
Some punny jobs
WORKING ON A JOB
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned
I just couldnβt concentrate.
.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,
but I just couldnβt hack it,
so they gave me the axe.
.
After that I tried to be a tailor,
but I just wasnβt suited for it.
The job was only so-so anyhow.
.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory,
but that was exhausting.
.
I wanted to be a barber,
but I just couldnβt cut it.
.
I attempted to be a deli worker,
but any way I sliced it,
I couldnβt cut the mustard.
.
My best job was being a musician,
but eventually I found I wasnβt note worthy.
.
I studied a long time to become a doctor,
but I didnβt have any patience.
.
Next was a job in a shoe factory;
but it just wasnβt the right fit.
.
I became a professional fisherman,
but discovered that I couldnβt live on my net income.
.
I thought about becoming a witch,
so I tried that for a spell.
.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,
but the work was just too draining.
.
After many years of trying to find steady work,
I finally got a job as a historian,
until I realized there was no future in it.
.
My last job was working at Starbucks,
but I had to quit,
because it was always the same old grind.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 16 2020
figured I'd christen my first graphics tablet with a pun for the net
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 28 2018
π︎ 64
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︎ Sep 29 2015
All this talk of net neutrality has me worried...
How am I supposed to catch fish now?
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 01 2018
I heard that Ben bishop isnβt so good in the net
I guess he can only move diagonally
(Courtesy of my dad while watching the Dallas Stars game)
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 18 2019
Can't believe we lost net neutrality
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 16 2017
In science class we were trying to put up a badminton net and no one seemed to understand how. Itβs not like itβs rocket science
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 15 2018
Trapeze artists who plan to remove their safety net...
have intense intents in tents.
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 15 2018
Atoms/molecules with a net electric charge?
Ion know about that chief.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 17 2018
You and your wife are playing hockey and she shoots
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 12 2020
I am worth nothing...
I paid off all my debt so now my net worth is $0 :D
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Honestly I woudden't lead someone else steel this pun
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︎ Apr 22 2019
My Dad: Calm down about this net neutrality thing . . .
Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 15 2018
Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.
Thatβs a really expensive net!
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 28 2020
I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman
But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 28 2020
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