Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.

Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/questionall101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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Just Because Mary's A Mother Doesn't Mean She Can't Make A Dad Joke.

http://imgur.com/nT8BNPn x-post from /r/Atheism.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haerdune
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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A father was laying on his deathbed...

β€œMary, my wife, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, dearest.”

β€œAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

β€œAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?” β€œYes, yes we are, daddy!” β€œThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!”

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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Dad joke of all dad jokes (found on Tumblr)

I've been making dad jokes for years but my wife and I are expecting our first child and I've finally been making dad jokes while actually being a dad.

When we were in the hospital I got my wife a blanket. What was awesome was they were kept in this machine that was specifially made to heat blankets. I laid the blanket over my wife and siad. "do you think they keep these at womb temperature?" I heard a nurse laugh for a solid 3 minutes.

This is my legacy.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Isai76
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
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A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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Got my father-in-law. Now he accepts that I'm ready to be a dad.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law are named Mary and Jeff. As we left their house last night on Christmas Eve, I hugged my mother-in-law and said "Merry Christmas", then hugged my father-in-law and said "Jeff Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNamesNotTaylor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
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Teenage Jesus won't go to bed.

Mary, Mother of Jesus, is trying to get her son to go to bed and is having no luck. She decides to pray to God to help her in her task. She asks "Dear God, our blessed child is restless and just won't stay tucked into bed, will you help me?" God sighs and addresses Jesus "My son, please listen to your mother and get some rest." To which Jesus responds "No way, Dad!" God grins and replies "Yaweh!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcrusebandman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2015
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team. Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily…

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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