I recently came into a lot of money
that's why I got fired from the bank.
I told my neighbor that my son with multiple degrees made more money moving boxes in a hot warehouse than he did in an office
He asked me what the degrees were in.
I said this is America, so Fahrenheit.
I need advice for childproofing my home. I’ve spent so much time, money and effort on it already but
The temple money changers always had the upper hand until...
The temple money changers always had the upper hand until...
>!Jesus turned the tables!!<
How much money do you need in your pocket to stop a bullet?
What type of money do poultry farms accept?
I knew a guy who tried to save money on pasta by shoplifting.
How can you tell if your money smells?
Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?
It suffered from withdrawals.
BREAKING NEWS: LAPD bust massive money laundering scheme.
Kingpins believed the Tides were turning in their favor and they had everything to Gain, but law enforcement threw them for a spin cycle, rinsed them out, and before long, it was All over.
Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down Calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.
Why don't you have as much money as you make at the end of the month?
This guy named Bill keeps taking it from you.
My coworker told me that one i can't take credit for it
Do you know why you don't need a lot of money to buy ovine meat?
a friend of mine earned extra money when he was a student working as a sub in a bondage dungeon
Save money on boomerangs...
.....by simply buying a normal stick and a labrador.
A piece of bread asked me for money
I decided to give it to them because I thought they kneaded it
I loaned my blind friend a good amount of money
he said he would pay me back the next time he saw me...
An armed man walks into a bank with 2 CDs glued to his glasses. The cashier hands him the money and says “I’ve got to ask what’s with the CDs?”
The man replies “They’re my disk eyes!”
How did the college student cross the ocean?
I need money but when I ask my friends, they just disappear on me.
I just asked them to "Leave me a loan"...
I know a guy who has a belt made out of $100.00 bills.
Seems like a waist of money to me… but to each their own. 🤷♂️
Why does money smell good?
I’m writing a book on “Reverse Psychology.”
My farm animal ate all my money…
Now I just have a cash cow.
My coworker won some money in the Powerball, so he decided to fulfill his lifelong dream of learning to play the drums.
He bought a bunch of pricey kits and played them at all hours. His neighbors got so mad, they ended up suing him in civil court, and he lost all his money, so he has to sell all the drums now.
He's got a lottery percussions to deal with.
There's not a lot of money in selling bidets
In the end its usually a wash.
I’m reading a book called “Quick Money for Dummies”...
I asked my friend when their birthday was. He said March 1st.
I stood up, walked around the room, and asked again
What does chicken do when it’s desperate for money?
People say I don’t make a lot of money
But their arguments don’t make cents either.
Money talks
Q- What did the stuttering Chinese banker name his first born?
A- Cha-ching
How does a student with IBS make money?
By becoming a multi-disciplinary tutor
Why isn't there a professional hide and seek league?
Good players are too hard to find.
I had a friend who made a lot of money as a sales rep for a lighter company.
It was kind of a Bic deal.
I stopped donating money to the grapes of fury
They are a charity organization that claimed they tackle social issues that are "low hanging fruits".
Turns out they were just raisin awareness.
My fortune teller told me that I would get a lot of money today but it never happened.
When does it rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
I'll never understand anyone who puts money in a no interest checking account
My herbal addiction is getting out of control. Rosemary, Sage, anything to get that herbal hit. When the money ran out I raided the garden, that's cleared out now. Some friends have been lending me some of theirs, but it's not enough to keep me going.
I'm just living on borrowed thyme.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
How did the water company make money?
By staying solvent and having revenue streams
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