My best in the moment pun i have ever had
In the gym today, guy is having to get his lock cut off because he lost his key. Joke around with guy for a bit because i have done the same.
As he is walking away....
Him: "you have a good day man"
Me: "you too, better lock next time"
I hear him groan, look to the guy next to me with a dumbass smile on my face and he rolled his eyes. Hahaha
Spur of the moment pun
My wife got something in her eye and grabbed the first towel she could find which happened to be my shower towel. She says
"Great I'm probably rubbing my eyes right where you had your balls"
Me: "yup, now you have eye balls"
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Proud Dad Moment
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁
Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎
Special moment: giving my sun his first bath.
Ive been waiting for one entire year for this moment
What do you call a dentists defining moment?
been a moment since i used the tea-rex meme template
Proud dad moment.
My almost 8 year told me today that he wanted a pet bee so he could name him beeba fett and I have never been so proud.
Proud dad moment: My five year old and I were discussing Halloween candy. I told him I like Kit-Kats.
He picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said “Kit-Kats are good but these are butter.”
A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.
The wolves may be predators but he pray
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.
From the moment I saw you I knew I wanted to do unspeakable things with you....
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
One of my most proud moments was coming up with this
Proud dad moment - Dad what type of sandpaper does the dog use?
Woof ones
5 year old daughters joke, so proud :)
My wife spilled tea on herself, and without a moments hesitation, turned to me and said...
“I’ve tea’d myself!”
Proud hubby here!
BL3 with Tomato Jokes? | Falls, Fails & Funny Moments | Psycho Krieg & the Fantastic Fustercluck DLC
youtu.be/Je2l0OxQl8E
Studying Chemistry at the moment, I just learned that Sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker..
..It's an oxidant waiting to happen.
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
A moment like this just once please.
Proud dad moment. Joke from my soon to be 6 year old daughter. “How did the bee get to school?”
“On the buzzzzz.” So proud.
Proud Moment
My 6 year old son just told his sister "You butter move out of the way" while helping his mother in the kitchen. He was so proud of his joke he ran across the house to tell me.
What did Jesus the Interior Decorator say in his final moments?
At that moment, Dr. Frankenstein knew what it felt like to be God.
The moment i was born
I had an out of body experience
Proud dad moment
Today I held up three colored balls in my hand. One red, one green, and one blue.
My 1yr old son (after much debate) chose the red one.
I’ve never been so proud. He has earned the right to play with my old game boy now.
Figured this was the ideal moment to repost this ol’ pun. Happy Father’s Day.
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
I still remember the moment when my math professor told us what the square root of -1 was.
My boss shared this in my work chat today, it took me a moment...
I think I had my first dad joke moment
I was driving my daughter (10F) to her dance class. Although we have taken this route countless times before and she never said a word about it before, she did this time and said as she was looking out the window while driving by a particular area, "Why would anyone build a daycare next to a cemetery?"
Without thought, I said "I don't know, but I bet their neighbors are quiet"
There was a second or two pause and then she said "Daaaaaaad."
My chest puffed up with pride for several miles as I thought I had just crossed the line into Dad Jokedom!
I accidentally poked myself in the eye moments ago.
I did not see that one coming.
My life has been full of priceless moments.
A moment of silence for our dear friend, liquid water, who did not survive the 100° temperature...
The moment I realise I lost my voice __________
You know that moment when you let a fart out but accidentally released a log?
Yeah my dad calls that from bubble to trouble.
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...
"Oh, it's the peanuts.
They're complimentary."
Just saw this at the moment.
There are many wonderful moments and beautiful sights when raising a child.
But the sight of your daughter stealing the last piece of chicken is truly breast taking.
That moment when your wife goes mateing the neighborhood guy
His family is broken at the moment
Daughter is having trouble homeschooling at the moment. "Argh i can't spell today..."
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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