Did you hear the rumor about the mentally unstable man who was frozen solid?

In a press conference he said β€œI am not 0K”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnholyTrinity420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mobile home for mentally insane horses?

Unstable.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LATROPSP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A year ago, I got a subscription to a magazine for mentally ill people.

Now I have many issues.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommanderKooKoo6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Mentally stable...
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Postyoumustnot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you restrain a mentally ill country singer?

Use a George Strait jacket.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mentally handicapped young male gymnast born on August 1st?

A leotard.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/False_Grit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm mentally preparing myself for the "Oh my gosh, i havent *blank* since LAST YEAR" jokes

(Ned Stark's voice) "Dadjokes are coming"

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goodguyjack2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you do with a mentally ill robot?

Give it a lorobotomy

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/offlebagg1ns
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
🚨︎ report
My father's mentally 5 years old.

Dad: "Where does a General keep his Armies?"

Child/Teen/Adult me for the sake of the joke: "Where?"

Dad: "Up his Sleevies"

Admittedly for the first 3-4 years I heard this as a child I didn't get it at all but still rolled around laughing at how much my dad would laugh despite it's inherent oldness as a joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arandombritishguy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: Scientists have developed a soundtrack that boosts mental well being and improves immune response to Coronavirus

If approved by the FDA, it will greatly enhance heard immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor asked me if anyone suffers from mental illness in my family

I said "no we all seem to enjoy it!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luuvinit
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the biggest difference between male patients in a mental hospital and their female nurses?

They're nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisesplin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Which animal has mental health issues?

A Bi-Polar Bear

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/c088l3rs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Grandma Jokes anyone? Hit me with your best dad jokes for my Grandma who loves dumb jokes and needs some laughs

I hope this type of post is allowed!

I am going to visit my grandma this Tuesday to say goodbye to her. She is 87 and very ill, she is mentally still with it but in a lot of pain. She sounds at peace, I think she is just doing her best to hang on til we can get to her.

My grandma loves stupid jokes, dad jokes, puns, all that stuff. I’d love to share some laughs with her when I say goodbye. Hit me with your favorite and dumbest dad jokes and I will share the best ones with her.

Thank you Reddit fam!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atrashx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What was the mental health hospital's primary charity program?

It was fund a mental

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atharvanaik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My cousin is obsessed with Belle Delphine (long)

I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I met my wife at a mental institution...

We are crazy about each other.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone connect mental health and dentistry in a pun?

I hope this appropriate to ask here. I am going to create a mental health support group on Facebook for Australian/New Zealand dental students and am needing a catchy/punny name. Currently there exists two mental health support groups that I know of on Facebook, both for dentists and not students. One is called Mental Dental and the other is called The Mental Block (alluding to the mental nerve in dentistry), so obviously I can't use those.

I'm not great with word games/etc so really appreciate any help. Thank you!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fallhaven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Lobotomy is the solution for all mental illness.

It's a no brainer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get released from a mental institutional, and then get committed again-

is that re-psychoing?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guavacadus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

πŸ‘︎ 920
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaurusGuy813
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
If mental hospitals had walking trails they would be called?

Psychopaths

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My French shrink gave me a gift...

It has a great SantΓ© Mentale value

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.

But I laugh more.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
2 crazy men were trying to escape from a mental facility...

but the only way out was from the roof. They got up there, before realizing they didn’t have any rope. One guy says, β€œOh yeah! I’ve got a flashlight! Ill point it to the ground and you can climb down the beam.” The other guy says, β€œWhat, am I crazy? I’d get half way down and you’d turn it off!”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carasius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
[At the therapist] Hulk Hogan: I struggled through a lot of mental issues during my career.

Therapist: So you could say.. you had to wrestle mania?

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the quickest way to get to the mental asylum?

Just go around the bend.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elleden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.

Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiscer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
i guess the crowd wasn't orderly orderly orderly though
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggeerrtt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
So i visited a neurologic clinic that, between other mental illness, treats Alzheimer patients. This was their main lobby's painting.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XurroMaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you help me come up with some jokes for a mental health workshop?

I have to give a workshop on anxiety and depression today and I would like to have some jokes locked in to defuse the tension if needed. I usually don't have much trouble to come up with dad jokes on the go, but it would be nice to have some in the back burner. Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/versung
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Phil Collins record his music?

In his stu-stu-studio

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is mental math the best math?

Because it's the thought that counts

πŸ‘︎ 318
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_iz_smrt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report
A crazy guy got shot in his head

He became less temper-a-mental.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Khaos_Gorvin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get help for my mental health issues, but the guy helping me turned out to be completely crazy

He was a psycho therapist

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible!” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie...” he says. β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible." the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie...” he says. β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness?

I said "NO, We all seem to enjoy it. "

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness?

I said, "NO, We all seem to enjoy it."

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bear with a mental disorder?

A bi-polar bear

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/halloom1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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