Have you heard of the new psychological therapy for trendy kids?

Hipnosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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I still experience long-lasting psychological effects from having a childhood friend that took offense at everything I did.

My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLocalCreep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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A new psychology pun in description

Just like others, Psychology puns are usually a Freud! HUH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anoshasays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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My wife has a minor in psychology

I guess you could say she's a little... psycho

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I always cheated on my psychology tests.

I don't know what that says about me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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The problem with Freudian psychology is that none of his hypotheses are testicle.

*Edit: Testable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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What’s the human psychology behind all this toilet paper hoarding?

That’s just how we roll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awburrou
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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My gf was always preoccupied with being right, so I tried some reverse psychology...

And left

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808natsu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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My daughter asked me if she should go for computer science or psychology

I told her that whatever she chooses, it's going to be a major difference.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snoopy007AS
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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Why was the duck kicked out of his psychology lecture.

He kept calling the professor a quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StormtrooperMJS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Shush I'm watching the comedian

Oh wait i mean the president

Creds to my dad for that joke

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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What do you call an overweight monk reading psychology?

A deep fat friar

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liglogs492
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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My little sister’s Psychology Club shirts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niffer13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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Found this gem in my psychology textbook
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Felix_Orion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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Audio psychology isn't witchcraft.

It's sound science.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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I attended a psychology lecture by a famous professor today.

It was mental.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirHolyCow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
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Psychology teacher dropped one on the class today.

Our psych teacher is known to be a jokester and today he continued that trend.

"So one night I was driving down a road in the country. All of a sudden, I heard a bam. I had hit something with my car. It turned out to be a pig. I didn't know what to do, so I just rolled it to the edge of the road. The next day at home, the farmer gave me a call saying he knew it was me who had killed his pig. I thought to myself, 'How could he know?' That's when it dawned on me. The pig had squealed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoltz3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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Psychology

Must be some thought involved in that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nutter4Hire
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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When I told my Dad I was taking 2 psychology courses at once...

"Careful honey, don't want to psych yourself out!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoosesAreBad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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Got my gen ed psychology class

My professor was asking for everyone who was interested in majoring in psychology. I raised my hand and said I was a little psy-curious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DamnProudpsk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
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My psychology teacher dad joked us today

We were talking about/reviewing memory in class today

"...and what do we need for retrieval, class?"

"A cue!"

"Bless you"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaiserTom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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One from a substitute psychology teacher

"Hello class my name is Mr Jones". Girl says "Is your first name Mike?". He says "No, my name isn't Mike". "Well is it close to Mike?". He says "Close to Mike? I don't even know him!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Packersrule123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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Psychology dad-joke I made today

Teacher - Okay today we're gonna start looking at simple phobias from a psychological perspective

Me - Ugh I was aFreud of that

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirKendizzle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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My therapist refused to help me with my fear of backing up my car

She said she would under no circumstances perform reverse psychology

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dingle485
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Essay : discuss the advantages and disadvantages of being an amputee

Well on the one hand it can have a huge psychological impact

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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Little Johnny oldie

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twowhlr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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How Do You Find Where a Murderer Lives?

You use a Psychopath :)

Nobody in psychology appreciated that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PastelEmma
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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A young woman runs a science experiment.

Once, there was a young woman who wanted to do a little psychological experiment. So she carefully bred cherry trees to bloom in multiple colors, and arranged to have them planted such that the trees of one color would spell out the name of some other color. You know, to test the Stroop effect.

However, the instructions (which were, admittedly, odd) weren't transmitted to the workers (all starving underpaid grad students) effectively, so the groups of various colored cherry trees were planted such that the colors matched the names, completely invalidating her experiment.

She's now the Stroop drupe group blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl...

She now focuses on Anglo-Saxon royalty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derleth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
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Dad just dropped this one without even cracking a smile.

Brother: (Telling a story about how a kid threw his poop at his work (he works with kids with psychological disorders)) ...And so that's why there's that poo-stain.

Dad: I think I saw them in concert once, must have been '82.

Me (playing along): How were they?

Dad: They were really crappy...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maphillips
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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Student and Master

A friend of mine has recently started studying psychology and was talking about how much he was enjoying it. My dad pipes up: "Looks like you've found your Nietzsche!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigmrt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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Double the dadjokes

My girlfriend was rwading about psychology and asked "What's a paradigm?"

I told her "20 cents"

We had a sensible chuckle and then I turned to my dad and said "dad what's a paradigm?" and he said "20 cents of course!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHeartPallets
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do *not* read it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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I just wrote a book on reverse psychology!

What ever you do, don't buy it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDemeisen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2016
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