My broken down car is haunted by the ghost of a mechanic...
He told me he really wants a pay rise but his supervisor can't review his performance without a working car-boo-rator.
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
How did the mechanic feel after he left the muffler shop?
I asked my mechanic why he was dressed as a female fox.
He said he was just vixen my car.
I really like what mechanics wear...
I had a mechanic fix up my lunch
but he didn't know how to tuna salad
What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have?
Why did the fish drive to the mechanic
Who's the best friend of a french mechanic?
I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.
Guess they needed an emergency service.
Why are KKK members terrible car mechanics?
They never check under the hood.
What do you call a Turkish mechanic?
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...
But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.
Now I know I'm getting some wear.
I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel
What fish makes the best mechanic?
TunerFish!
My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, “Do you have any idea why my car is humming?”
He replied, “Probably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.”
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
What is a mechanic's wet dream
Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?
He said he could stop any time he wants.
What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?
How do you call a group of mechanics?
Carmen. I'll show myself out.
An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...
It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."
Worst movie title idea - Temporal Mechanics:
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didn’t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tire’d.
My father, the elevator mechanic
My father has been working as an elevator mechanic most of his life. Whenever people ask him how work is going he says "It has its ups and downs"
Hes been making this joke for 27 years
I just picked up my car from the mechanic...
I’d love to say they did a good job, but it feels like it’s really braking.
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car
Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
He picked up a wheel and spoke 😂
My dad is a hilarious mechanic
Dad: I have a coworker who is addicted to drinking brake fluid.
Me: Really?
Dad: Yeah, he says he can stop anytime.
Why do dad jokes about quantum mechanics never work?
You cant know if theres a punch line or a punch wave
In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.
That's my Mployment record.
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
I like the uniform mechanics wear...
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