Why do Canadian geese go well with mashed potatoes?

Because they make nice gray-V's.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/antirabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I like my PG-13 movies how I like my mashed potatoes.

With not a lot of skin, just a little.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simpleman62488
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Ted's wife was a horrible cook. She served mashed potatoes that were so runny, that his whole plate resembled soup. Even though she insisted that she drained the pasta, her spaghetti was so watery that the sauce ran off the plate. Ted had no choice...

...he was forced to take out a restraining order.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Thanksgiving is coming up. My wife's family makes mashed potatoes with the skins still on.

It's very unapeeling.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/first_must_burn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend just dropped this on me while we were making mashed potatoes

So while we were peeling the potatoes, I dropped some of the skin onto the floor. So instead of picking it up, I stick it onto her leg. She then says "Am I appealing????"

I am so proud

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steveeljefe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Everytime I'm leaving the house before dinner and we have soup or mashed potatoes or something liquid...

"Make sure to put some in your pocket for later!!"

So lame and it happens EVERY TIME.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hamsterwheel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to give up drinking and replace booze with mashed potato...

I guess you could say I’ll just be getting sMASHED from now on.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Js_sampson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I did the Macarena, the Mashed Potato, the Funky Chicken and had my young daughter absolutely rolling over with laughter. My wife had a face like thunder though and hissed…

"Get off my mother's grave, NOW!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Ordering KFC, and I ask for a chicken wing. Cashier asks, β€œok sir, and which side?”

I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose I’ll take the right side.

Cashier: β€œsir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.”

πŸ‘︎ 329
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tutandgroan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
🚨︎ report
A waiter asks the "How did you find your steak, Sir?"

Me: I just looked next to the mash potatoes and there it was!

Source: tedthestoner2.0.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jabhiram
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I've been called cheesy, corny & a chicken. If someone calls me "mash potatoes with gravy" I can be a KFC Famous Bowl. #lifegoals
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheHueManatee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I have come to love all of gods creatures.

Especially next to a pile of mashed potatoes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toweliieee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call fake potatoes?

Imitaters

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thelummx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Two potatoes were walking together down the street.

They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured potato called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. "I have good news, and I have bad news," he told the uninjured potato, "The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news... is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I introduced a friend of mine to Swedish cuisine.

"Mashed potatoes, meatballs. Balls, meet mashed potatoes."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
🚨︎ report
A yam and a potato were walking down the road.

The potato asked the yam, "Wanna be my spudy?"

To which he replied, "We're a perfect mash, I already yam."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
🚨︎ report
This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
🚨︎ report
While eating dinner tonight...

Mom: "Wow! I was afraid 1 pound of steak wasn't going to be enough."

Dad: "Yeah, we're really pounding it down!"

Me: Smashes face into mashed potatoes

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BLOW_ME_pls
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad hit my family with this one at dinner

Dad sits down down at the table with his plate full of food and starts acting all flustered and stressed out. He lets out a sigh and makes note of how stressed he is with all his work that has to be done. He then smiles, looks at his plate full of chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes then says "there's just so much on my plate right now".

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kewladria
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Vegetarian sister

My sister recently became a vegetarian. She managed to spill mashed potatoes on her toe while eating. I asked her if she was trying to replace the meat in her diet with TOE-FOOd.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jakedasnake2447
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Got my in-laws with this one.

We were sitting at the dinner table tonight celebrating my father-in-law's (FIL) 66th birthday. My mother-in-law (MIL) made his favorite dinner: meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and creamed corn, but since I hate creamed corn they also made peas.

It happened that everyone at the table except for my MIL took peas, and she decided to comment.

MIL: "Wow, I see just about everyone took peas and not creamed corn!"

FIL: "I took a little bit of both."

Me: "Thank you for giving peas a chance."

My wife sighed and I think it went over MIL's head, but FIL and I exchanged knowing dad glances. Today, I am a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Funkmaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Dinner Table Dad Joke

I was sitting for dinner with my family, a great meal of potatoes, chicken, and salad when this conversation went down:

Mom: "Bob you are the master of making mashed potatoes"

Dad: "Yes, some call me the mashter."

Table: Groans

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RIDES_KARMA_TRAIN
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
🚨︎ report
At Family Weekend Banquet

My friend: Do the mashed potatoes have skin?

Me: Yeah they got skin

Dad holds out hand until I high five him

"That's what I call skin!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparks0480
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
🚨︎ report
At thanksgiving dinner...

So my family and I are eating our usual thanksgiving dinner, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, you name it. My sister really likes sweet drinks, so she would serve her self a glass of grape juice almost right after her previous ones. After a couple of refills, my dad says "Do you want some dinner with your juice?" He says this for every damn thing. I like syrup on my waffles like the next guy but pour a little much and he says "Want some waffles with your syrup?" Every. Damn. Time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoochMuffler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad's Food Jokes

To Son: never let your meatloaf.
To Daughter: and never let your pussy willow.

And the other: remember you can mash potatoes but you can't pea soup

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teeshart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes...

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XQZahme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.