Marbled Puns

“No, granite!” was my counter argument.

... it was taken for granite.

Now all I’m straining is my back!

I took them for granite.

...all this time I took them for granite.

I told her not to take it for granite.

It was a pretty hard bargain

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

He asked me if it takes place in the Marble Cinematic Universe

Well That's like Europinion man

Unfortunately it was counter-feit. I can't believe I got taken for granite like that.

So that when I lose it, I can say I've lost my marbles.

I think they took me for granite

... They say I took them for granite.

They call it the "Marble Cinna-matic Uni-verse"

"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"

Me: (confused) Marble if its not too expensive I guess.

11 y.o.: (also confused) Oh, well mine's topaz.

Me: Oh you mean birthstone, that's like the opposite of a headstone haha.

11 y.o.: Oh ya. Wait what's a headstone?

My 5 y.o. son: It's what Vision (Marvel MCU) gots on his forehead.

https://imgur.com/gallery/CQyTA

“Marble” Movies

He quit smoking and gave up cowboyin' to get into high-end bathroom surfaces and fixtures.

They called him the Marble-and-Oro Man

Tapping on a rock one of us is resting on or using to tie a shoelace, "You know, some people take this stuff for granite."

A lot of people take them for granite.

Though, I probably would for marble.

Father and son project; painting a bicycle I recently salvaged. It was my first time using spray paint...

Dad: Make sure you shake that can before spraying it on there.

Me: How long do I shake it for?

Dad: Until the marble dissolves.

After 15 minutes and a sore arm I started asking questions...

Its really sad. His life was taken for granite.

The wind was high and dirt blew on us. As everyone was rubbing their eyes I said "one day we'll all look back on this day fondly. I'm sedimental like that." Groans ensued.

Probably because he has lost his marble(s).

Him: I lost my marbles!

Me: Oh?

Him: Yeah, and they were sentiMENTAL to me!

He then laughed and put his hand up for a high five. He is truly his fathers son:) My husband is very proud!

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.

I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.

I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.

Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.

Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.

A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.

I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden

What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.

Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.

The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.

Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.

Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.

Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.

What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!

What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!

A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.

Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.

You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.

Mexican candy makes my taste buds say “OLE!”

FORGET LOVE… I’

I lost my marbles

I was 16 and had found a small cyst (marble sized) in my scrotum. My regular Doc. had referred me to a Urologist, my dad came along "for support"

Dr: Hello, I'm Dr. so and so, what brings you in to see me?

Dad: Well it's my son here, apparently he has grown a third testicle.

Dr: I see, if that's case, the truth is you don't need me, you need to get your son an agent!

The kids were setting up a game that was missing some pieces, marbles as it happened. So they asked, "Dad, do you have any marbles?"

"Nope, I've lost mine."

At least my wife appreciated it....

Context, we had family over my parent's house and were talking about what all us kids have been up too since we are grown now. They were talking about my cousin that just became an RN when I dropped gold that wasn't appreciated.

Cousin: "Yeah, she is doing great down in Florida now at a great hospital. She's a nurse on a really prestigious floor."

Me: "Hmm, must be made of marble or something."

My cousin: "Huh?"

Me: "It's a prestigious floor. It must be made of marble or something."

No one got it.

We divided into groups and the lab was to use the measured volume and diameter of various spheres to find our own approximation of pi. So we had to use marbles and some ball bearings. We get to our station to start measuring when a girl in my group says:

Her:"Hey, where'd the blue marble go?"

Me: "I don't know. It'll be fine though, so don't... lose your marbles"

Her:nearly slaps me

I said it a few times that class, and when some other group dropped a marble down the drain I said it loud enough to get a groan from the whole class.

This whole time I took them for granite.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.