I don't like your Italian marble floor.

Well That's like Europinion man

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/harshamfk
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Just found out my childhood house had marble countertops.

This whole time I took them for granite.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 21
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Formaldefortress
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 289
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A marble-ous name for a dog boutique
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mango_chair
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
"You didn't secure the trailer properly????have you lost your marbles?!" "Why, yes. Yes I have"
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 36
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/eric-99
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I'm watching a video from Wintergatan where he plays a homemade instrument that works using marbles.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DJ_ScratchKat_03
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I told my wife that I would never take her for granite.

Though, I probably would for marble.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 31
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jhench78
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I'm going to name my dog, marbles.

So that when I lose it, I can say I've lost my marbles.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/chapatiroll52
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I just redid my kitchen in marble.

Unfortunately it was counter-feit. I can't believe I got taken for granite like that.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Avanou
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Looks like someone's working his ass off
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/applicantx
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 17 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Did you hear about the machine powered using marbles that dispenses cinnamon while playing a short song?

They call it the "Marble Cinna-matic Uni-verse"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 04 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
He lost his marbles
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PungentMayo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 09 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I dressed up as a marble statue for Halloween but nobody noticed

I think they took me for granite

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 35
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Trashcancomic
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 21 2017
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Here's how you know you've really hit rock bottom.

When you slap a marble statue on the butt

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/lfantine
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
It was my first day on the job at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. My boss gave me the easiest, but most important, job on the assembly line. After a few hours, my boss frantically ran to my station to check in on me. "Why are you so far behind? Why are marbles and thread scattered everywhere?"

"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PolarBurrito
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 25 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
All my marble friends are mad at me...

... They say I took them for granite.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/theCanadiEnt
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 06 2015
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
One of my kids lost their damn marbles.

https://imgur.com/gallery/CQyTA

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 32
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/digeratisensei
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 04 2017
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Rocks don't get the respect they deserve.

A lot of people take them for granite.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 46
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/JEJoll
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Hiking with my dad while growing up in Texas. Every time.

Tapping on a rock one of us is resting on or using to tie a shoelace, "You know, some people take this stuff for granite."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Bunnysaurus_Rex
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 26 2015
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My dad can't stop talking about getting granite tiles for our flooring

Probably because he has lost his marble(s).

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/floorballouis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 13 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Still makes me laugh 10 years later

Father and son project; painting a bicycle I recently salvaged. It was my first time using spray paint...

Dad: Make sure you shake that can before spraying it on there.

Me: How long do I shake it for?

Dad: Until the marble dissolves.

After 15 minutes and a sore arm I started asking questions...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ZeldaWizard
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 19 2014
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Did you hear about the guy that got killed during an argument over a counter top?

Its really sad. His life was taken for granite.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nanocoffeebean
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 28 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My 11 year old sonโ€™s joke

Him: I lost my marbles!

Me: Oh?

Him: Yeah, and they were sentiMENTAL to me!

He then laughed and put his hand up for a high five. He is truly his fathers son:) My husband is very proud!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/hireathone
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 25 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Look at those chiseled features!
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 40
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tlddlttlddlt
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 21 2013
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Got my friends at an outdoor restaurant

The wind was high and dirt blew on us. As everyone was rubbing their eyes I said "one day we'll all look back on this day fondly. I'm sedimental like that." Groans ensued.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/headexpl0dy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 15 2016
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
When I found out that little sphere stones have gone missing,

I lost my marbles

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SauceMaster6464
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 24 2018
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, โ€œDo you want a liftโ€. โ€œNo thanksโ€, they replied, โ€œWeโ€™re Walkersโ€.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all ยฃ5 apart from one that was ยฃ10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said โ€œthatโ€™s maderia cakeโ€.


Bought some cream, it said โ€œstore in a cool placeโ€. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says โ€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the otherโ€. The doctor says โ€œIโ€™m afraid you are a trifle deafโ€.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisiteโ€ฆ โ€“what a pity it isnโ€™t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adamโ€™s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because itโ€™s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When itโ€™s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charleyโ€™s death? BEN and JERRY.


Donโ€™t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you wonโ€™t be able to budge.


You know youโ€™re a mom ifโ€ฆ Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say โ€œOLE!โ€


FORGET LOVEโ€ฆ Iโ€™

... keep reading on reddit โžก

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 28 2017
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My Dad and the urologist shared a dadjoke at the worst time...

I was 16 and had found a small cyst (marble sized) in my scrotum. My regular Doc. had referred me to a Urologist, my dad came along "for support"

Dr: Hello, I'm Dr. so and so, what brings you in to see me?

Dad: Well it's my son here, apparently he has grown a third testicle.

Dr: I see, if that's case, the truth is you don't need me, you need to get your son an agent!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 52
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/carbidegriffen
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 07 2014
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
sometimes the children make it too easy...

The kids were setting up a game that was missing some pieces, marbles as it happened. So they asked, "Dad, do you have any marbles?"

"Nope, I've lost mine."

At least my wife appreciated it....

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 21
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nimrod
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 10 2014
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
No One Appreciated My Work On Christmas...

Context, we had family over my parent's house and were talking about what all us kids have been up too since we are grown now. They were talking about my cousin that just became an RN when I dropped gold that wasn't appreciated.

Cousin: "Yeah, she is doing great down in Florida now at a great hospital. She's a nurse on a really prestigious floor."

Me: "Hmm, must be made of marble or something."

My cousin: "Huh?"

Me: "It's a prestigious floor. It must be made of marble or something."

No one got it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 37
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/I_Are_Brown_Bear
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 27 2013
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I got my physics class a while back.

We divided into groups and the lab was to use the measured volume and diameter of various spheres to find our own approximation of pi. So we had to use marbles and some ball bearings. We get to our station to start measuring when a girl in my group says:

Her:"Hey, where'd the blue marble go?"

Me: "I don't know. It'll be fine though, so don't... lose your marbles"

Her:nearly slaps me

I said it a few times that class, and when some other group dropped a marble down the drain I said it loud enough to get a groan from the whole class.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/fortisrufus
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 11 2016
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Dad Giveaway

Had a dad-spotting while walking through the empty hall at school a few minutes ago. A small object rolled out of a door further down the hall followed closely by a stooped over middle-aged professor chasing after it. He nabbed it up just as I was passing by and looked up at me to say, "I've got to get out of here. I'm losing my marbles."

He then laughed to himself and quickly ducked back into the classroom.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ladybadcrumble
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 20 2013
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
On the job site

I'm an architect and visited a house with my boss and the client today which is nearly finished. We were talking about the marble counter he got for his bathroom and how nice it is.

My boss - "Yes, client, we really think you're doing a marvelous job with this so far..."

Me - "Maybe even a marbleous job"

silence

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PostPostModernism
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 29 2014
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My friends dad would say this to him anytime he did something stupid...

"you're as sharp as a marble."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nyrangers22294
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 28 2014
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
My dad just forwarded this email to me...

> > Balls > > > > INTERESTING OBSERVATION > > 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. > > > > > > > > > > 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. > > > > > > > > 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. > > And... > > > > > > > > 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is > > GOLF. > > > > THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: > > > > The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls > > become. > > There must be a boat load of people in Ottawa and Queen's Park > > playing marbles. > > You know you WILL PASS THIS ONE ON!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BladeNoob
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 13 2014
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Grandpa the Prop Comedian.

Grandpa: Pulls out all of the contents of his pocket and stands in a crowd staring at it... just waiting for the sucker who asks what he's doing.

When someone finally notices, sometimes after minutes of waiting, he says "They say I lost my marbles, but I found one"

Sure enough, he'll have a marble in his hand. He always carries a marble so he can make this joke.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/abrown4788
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 10 2013
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I just realized my countertop is made of marble.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 132
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/gmolevitz
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.