My printer was making music so I checked it out.

The paper was jamming.

πŸ‘︎ 163
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StrokeMyAxe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend broke up with me when she walked in on me making out with my personal trainer

She said "This isn't working out."

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My first attempt at making rye bread didn’t turn out great...

... guess something went awry

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KaNiNeTwo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.

He had Tic Tac toes

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chemist612
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...

Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketCornbread
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Out dad'd by my son. I was making breakfast and my son walked in.

I told him I was trying something new. He looked at the recipe and proclaimed, Oh crΓͺpe.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DracotheReaper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian

You gotta give him props for that

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvilly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard a large oil company is making fuel out of bug urine...

I think it’s BP.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out Ryan Reynolds and Snoop Dogg are making an album

I can't wait for Reynolds wrap

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonReborn64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.

Things are looking up.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œI wonder what our neighbor is making. He always has his jigsaw out.” I said, β€œI don’t know. It’s a real...

...jigsaw puzzle.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I started a company making airplane windows out of raw sand

Investors couldn't see the business taking off

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatCookieDerp
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Making the most out of a typo
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddaannkk123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.

Well, that back fired.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
When the flutist found out she was making less money than the cellist was making...

She wondered what the bass salary is.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.

It made a good ad visor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been ridiculed ever since making a shirt out of lightbulbs,

But now, it’s my time to shine.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avartes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard in Russia they were making roads out of old Nokia

My car has never felt more connected commrade

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend started making art out of marijuana...

It’s pretty dope

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bggaddict472
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
After making out with my clone, I kept talking about how in my day, we didn't have sex until marriage.

There I go dating myself again.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emperorchaz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new belts they're making out of dollar bills?

Sounds like a waist of money to me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Petruccijon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my youngest son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it while making car sounds. His cute antics always make me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease.

It is called Parking Son's disease.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I was thinking about making a belt out of old wristwatches.

But that would be a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I found out that I was pregnant because when I went to the OB, the doctor told me to put me feet in the stirrups. My husband blurted β€œThat is the strangest horse I’ve ever seen!” The doctor smiled and congratulated my husband for making his first dad joke. His response β€œI feel a little Dad inside.”
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DietCokeSkittles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I told the bartender to surprise me with a drink. He pulled out ice and tape. I asked him what he was making.

He said β€œScotch on the Rocks”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ekhypebeast02
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the U.S military making missiles out of wheat?

I hear they're bread for combat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EthanObi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you say to witches making out in a public place?

Get a broom!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RS-Ethearnal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Sheβ€˜s out there making owl noises.

who?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaghettiGal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
While making dinner last night I asked my wife if she knew which celebrity failed out of cooking school for not chopping enough.

she had no idea it was Julianne Moore... and I had no idea her eyes could roll like that.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I was making out on the couch with my wife the other day when she looked at me sexy and said "Let's take this upstairs"

I got up and told her "I'll get this end. You take the other one"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatphotoguy89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad is the most dad jokingest person on earth. This morning he had a heart attack. He's stable and was making dad jokes all the way to the hospital. I need your best of the best jokes for me to tell him when he gets out of surgery.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cowboykillers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I spent the day making a belt out of watches

Waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zarms8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Shout out to the Aztecs making the calendar - Honestly, it made my day
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyork_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Geneticists have figured out that making crappy jokes is hardwired into our DNA.

To find out if you carry the gene, just fill out a Pun-it square.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I see more and more woodworkers making things out of poplar.

It's becoming quite...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/agoatforavillage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Today, I saw a young lady with a huge beer belly. It was so unusual I had to point it out to my wife. The young lady caught me making a joke...

She gave me a mean look and said β€œI’M PREGNANT!”

And I said β€œShame on you! You shouldn’t drink so much, you’ll hurt the baby!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarsonFoles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Q:What did the Vacuum say when it saw a couple making out?

A:"Get a Roomba, you two!

Credit to my little sister.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/canadahuntsYOU
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I thought about making a joke about a woman with a breast implant made out of wood...

But that would be in poor taste, wooden tit?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaltanDitler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Was making roast lamb for dinner and dropped the tray out of the oven .

It was a ca-lamb-ity.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/torakwho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call kids moving out of the house with a dadjoke making dad?

Groaned up.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImClumZ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
🚨︎ report
My printer was making music so I checked it out

Turns out the paper was jamming

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yoshi_hopps
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My printer started making music, so I checked it out...

The paper was jamming.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report

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