My printer was making music so I checked it out.
My girlfriend broke up with me when she walked in on me making out with my personal trainer
She said "This isn't working out."
My first attempt at making rye bread didn’t turn out great...
... guess something went awry
I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...
Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.
Out dad'd by my son. I was making breakfast and my son walked in.
I told him I was trying something new. He looked at the recipe and proclaimed,
Oh crêpe.
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
I heard a large oil company is making fuel out of bug urine...
I just found out Ryan Reynolds and Snoop Dogg are making an album
I can't wait for Reynolds wrap
I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.
My wife said, “I wonder what our neighbor is making. He always has his jigsaw out.” I said, “I don’t know. It’s a real...
I started a company making airplane windows out of raw sand
Investors couldn't see the business taking off
Making the most out of a typo
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
When the flutist found out she was making less money than the cellist was making...
She wondered what the bass salary is.
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.
I’ve been ridiculed ever since making a shirt out of lightbulbs,
But now, it’s my time to shine.
I heard in Russia they were making roads out of old Nokia
My car has never felt more connected commrade
My friend started making art out of marijuana...
After making out with my clone, I kept talking about how in my day, we didn't have sex until marriage.
There I go dating myself again.
Did you hear about the new belts they're making out of dollar bills?
Sounds like a waist of money to me.
When I reach home, my youngest son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it while making car sounds. His cute antics always make me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease.
It is called Parking Son's disease.
I was thinking about making a belt out of old wristwatches.
But that would be a waist of time.
I found out that I was pregnant because when I went to the OB, the doctor told me to put me feet in the stirrups. My husband blurted “That is the strangest horse I’ve ever seen!” The doctor smiled and congratulated my husband for making his first dad joke. His response “I feel a little Dad inside.”
I told the bartender to surprise me with a drink. He pulled out ice and tape. I asked him what he was making.
He said “Scotch on the Rocks”
Did you hear about the U.S military making missiles out of wheat?
I hear they're bread for combat.
What do you say to witches making out in a public place?
She‘s out there making owl noises.
While making dinner last night I asked my wife if she knew which celebrity failed out of cooking school for not chopping enough.
she had no idea it was Julianne Moore... and I had no idea her eyes could roll like that.
I was making out on the couch with my wife the other day when she looked at me sexy and said "Let's take this upstairs"
I got up and told her "I'll get this end. You take the other one"
My dad is the most dad jokingest person on earth. This morning he had a heart attack. He's stable and was making dad jokes all the way to the hospital. I need your best of the best jokes for me to tell him when he gets out of surgery.
I spent the day making a belt out of watches
Shout out to the Aztecs making the calendar - Honestly, it made my day
Geneticists have figured out that making crappy jokes is hardwired into our DNA.
To find out if you carry the gene, just fill out a Pun-it square.
I see more and more woodworkers making things out of poplar.
Today, I saw a young lady with a huge beer belly. It was so unusual I had to point it out to my wife. The young lady caught me making a joke...
She gave me a mean look and said “I’M PREGNANT!”
And I said “Shame on you! You shouldn’t drink so much, you’ll hurt the baby!”
Q:What did the Vacuum say when it saw a couple making out?
A:"Get a Roomba, you two!
Credit to my little sister.
I thought about making a joke about a woman with a breast implant made out of wood...
But that would be in poor taste, wooden tit?
Was making roast lamb for dinner and dropped the tray out of the oven .
What do you call kids moving out of the house with a dadjoke making dad?
My printer was making music so I checked it out
Turns out the paper was jamming
My printer started making music, so I checked it out...
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